MEN & SEX: Why They Don’t Get It…..The Story of Platinum (3 of 3 parts) The analysis
October 18th, 2008 | by admin |As a social theorist I have encountered a great many people who have misunderstandings and communication difficulties with the opposite sex, especially since we now live in the era of EMPOWERED WOMEN. Given the confusion men have about women and women have about men, is it any wonder why personal relationships problems abound, especially where sex can be involved?
The analysis for Platinum’s story as it relates to the various axioms that apply to the psychological theories I discovered in personal relationships, and their potential problems go as follows:
Remember: Platinum bought the drink for me after she heard me talk about being a screen writer. Almost anything done professionally in the performing arts is a form of psychological power because it’s prestigious in that it’s a profession that few people successfully engage in. The line about screenwriting is what indirectly got me on Platinum’s pick list because at that point I was also basically ignoring her just like all the other guys in the bar.
The two axioms that apply here are, “Women pick Men…Men Don’t Pick Women” and “Women respond to Power, especially in the form of command presence”.
Platinum also kept asking me, “Am I Pretty”? because women tend to be massively insecure. The axiom is: In women, there exists a correlation whereby the prettier or higher up the Alpha Female scale a woman is the more insecure she is, and this emanates from women’s need for safety….As it relates to Platinum, she is an aging Alpha female and fighting it every inch of the way. This makes for one gigantic ball of insecurity in a woman.
Platinum decided to have sex with me after I gave her the information on why men did not pay attention to her the way that they likely would have paid attention to her 20 years prior. I showed her a type of truthfulness that goes with someone who has rank, a command presence…confident, unafraid, but not arrogant.
[The fine line I draw here is the difference between getting a woman to think about a man passionately, to have sex, which is the way men rate most encounters with the opposite sex. This as opposed to just being a nice guy as a friend, who she tolerates but would never sleep with, because arrogance tends to hit women in the brain, where truthfulness, the likes I shared with Platinum at the bar, tends to hit women in the heart.]
And this all goes to power, which goes to what women instinctively respond to because of their need for safety. Platinum’s call to have sex with me was when she said, “I think you’re right. Why don’t weee get out of here”? This statement coupled with her body language, leaning in toward me and touching me told me that sex with her was probable. What I did not include in the anecdote was when I opened the door to help Platinum into the car she kissed me before she got in.
Still, she could have stopped me any time she wanted but I knew that she wouldn’t because as I kissed her back I could smell the heat of her passion on her breath. From that point on the primal drives in each of us kicked into a higher gear and I asserted standard male mammalian control over the female. Platinum willingly, physiologically, submitted to my lead. I also knew when to assert control and I knew what to do once we got to the bed. But that’s another Blog.
As for Joe, he was a perfect representation of how men act around other men when women are around. Men are typically PHOBIC, in that anything they do in any way that might make them seem as a lesser man in the eyes of other men is unacceptable behavior and they will turn away from most experiences accordingly. And this unfortunately includes being seen out with an older woman.
Similarly, if Platinum would have kiddingly asked any of the other men at the bar “Are You Gay?” the way she did to me they would have likely taken it as a Dis to their honor. What men who act like this do not realize is that type of reaction to such a question in such a social setting is indeed a dishonor but it is a dishonor self emposed and thus a phobia.
Men’s phobias are very real & very powerful and usually work against a man’s psychological well being, as was the case with Joe. He perceived me as an Alpha male when he saw me out with the woman 20 years younger than me. That event plus his knowledge that I write about personal relationships problems and communication difficulities in general from a man’s perspective, in particular, the fact that we usually only want one thing, gave me a posture with Joe to indirectly council him about the woman in his building.
Yet, I knew the way to get to Joe, so he would at least listen was when I used the term dishonorable in describing the other men’s behavior toward Platinum. From that point on to the end of our conversation he became a “wide eyed” listener. The fact that Joe took my council and was able to reproduce similar results by letting go of his phobia when he engaged in a conversation with the woman in his building who was older then he, and that conversation eventually lead to sex validates the axiom and the theory.
As it stands as of this blog, I do not know the status of the relationship between Joe and the woman. I have only seen Platinum once since our evening together. She moved to SC and we do keep in touch via email.
Meanwhile, there’s much more interesting information to come on personal relationships problems and communication differences between the sexes in the era of empowered women. So stay connected.
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© Copyright Gary James 2008 all rights reserved
Tags: communication differences, difference between men and women in relationships, empowered women, relationships break up, relationships issues, relationships problems
