In the process of reading their work I discovered the professional sexologists confirm and validate the theory known as, “The Mammalian Way”…. It’s a theory, a book & a curriculum that teaches men and women how to obtain what each of them in the relationship truly desrie from the same relationship especially if you’re the type who “wants it all”… So,
photo courtesy of Ryan McGinley
Sexologist Meredith Chivers
“WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT”? SEXOLOGIST MEREDITH CHIVERS, LISA DIAMOND, AND OTHER PROFESSIONALS STILL STRUGGLE WITH SIGMUND FREUD’S PROVERBIAL QUESTION: From an article by Daniel Bergner, author of the book, “The Other Side of Desire”.
It’s a journey and for Meredith Chivers a sexologist and well respected social scientist, Freud’s question, “What do women want” prevails in her life’s research because within the world of relationship issues where sex can become a factor, Chivers admits she still struggles to make sense of the data she collects with respect to women’s actual responses to sexual stimuli vs how women say they respond.
One report I read about her work seems to indicate Ms Chiver’s data supports the notion that regardless of what women say, and since there is a tendency for women to become wet between the legs whether they view sexual encounters between women & men, men & men, or women & women, that Ms Chiver’s therefore concludes, “all women have homo-sexual tendencies”.
Of course such a ridiculous statement only adds to the confusion about what women want and it does not come from Meredith Chivers or her peers. It’s merely journalists doing what they do best, that is, to report facts completely out of context with the truth.
What Chivers data actually turned up was that women regardless of what they predicted about how they would feel (behave) had a tendency to be aroused (as opposed to desire) by the connections depicted (perceived) between an amalgamation of two people in various visual images that were shown to women participating in Chiver’s study.
Be that as it may, still, as a professional Social Theorist I can understand the confusion journalists, sexologists, and plenty of other social scientists have with regard to what Ms Chivers along with a number of her colleagues have discovered. That is, women can be physiologically aroused by any number of stimuli (not just sexual) where a connection between two people seems to convey some sense of warmth (security) that reaches deep down into a woman’s physiological self and touches her insatiable need for safety.
However, such an arousal does not necessarily point to her true desire, let alone her true sexual desire. (such as homo sexual tendencies despite saying she is straight)
Meanwhile, Chivers uses a device called a plethysmograph that attaches to the genitals and measures men’s erection and blood flow as well as a device that measures a woman’s secretions and blood flow. Chivers collects the data and then weighs the actual responses of the participants, against the subjective opinions from the same people who type their response on a key pad. The stimuli used to induce responses are various visuals of sexual content.
The overall results of the study:
For men, the results were painfully (and for me & my research as well) predictably standard. Men’s minds were in agreement with their genitals. Men actually got an erection when they typed that they got an erection on the keypad (subjective).
However, with the women, “mind and genitals seemed scarcely to belong to the same person. The readings from the plethysmograph and the keypad weren’t in much accord”. In other words the women reported (subjectively) less excitement than their vaginas indicated;
To which I say No kidding. No offense to my colleagues or the journalists but anyone who has even a modicum of understanding of my theory and book titled, “The mammalian Way” could tell you the responses that were recorded in the study are the typical responses to expect from each gender to produce, so long as we live in an imperfectly safe world. (See the book, “The mammalian Way” for further explanation)
Accordingly, it’s also nice to see that the academic world’s findings also hold the tenets of my theory to be true and accurate. Meanwhile, the Daniel Bergner interview of Meredith Chivers and others in her league such as Lisa Diamond, have once again validated much of my theory and frankly I am glad because it also gives me a number of recent studies to refer my readers to as a cross reference for further understanding of how “The Mammalian Way” operates and exercises great influence over even moment to moment decisions humans make in dealing with daily relationship issues, especially where sex can become a factor.
Out of sheer professional interest I suggest the following consideration with great respect for the challenges my colleagues face. The issue Chivers et. al. seem to face is,…While in the process of comparing arousal & desire in order to obtain predictable patterns of behavior, they all seem to have thus far completely failed to factor into their body of work (and studies) the other instinctive factors that often dramatically affect social-sexual behavior in addition to sex or sexual content. There are a number of instinctive needs to consider but the two that can be most volatile for social-sexual behavior are safety for women and honor for men.
Similarly, Sexologist Lisa Diamond conducts studies similar to Chivers. Diamond’s conclusions concur with Chivers for the most part. However, it is interesting to note that during Bergner’s research for his book and the article I found in NY Times magazine that lead me to Chivers, Diamond, et al., at one point in Bergner’s interview with Diamond, in an effort to exemplify the physiological issues that Diamond believes still exist between men and women she showed Bergner “a photograph of two control panels, one representing the workings of male desire, the second, female, the first with only a simple on-off switch, the second with countless knobs”. If either of Chivers. Diamond, Bergner or the others of the group of professionals, were to read my theory chronicled in the book, “The Mammalian Way” where I describe men’s sex drive as, “SWITHED ON WHEN THEY WAKE AND AT FULL INTENSITY AND THEN OFF AGAIN WHEN MEN ARE ASLEEP (MAYBE)”, they could see there is no in between for men’s innate sex drive and this fact is the major reason why men are able to consistently view women as sex objects first and remain focused on behavior that is predictably the same during the studies conducted by Chivers, et al.
As for women’s “countless knobs” attached to their sex drive my theory sets forth that, “UNLIKE MEN, WOMEN ARE ABLE TO DIAL DOWN THE INTENSITY OF THEIR SEX DRIVE OR DIAL IT UP TO FULL INTENSITY OR PLACE IT ANYWHERE IN BETWEEN, AND KEEP IT AT HER OWN DESIRED INTENSITY INDEFINITELY”. This fact I also theorize is because just like other female mammals, Women instinctively pick men for sex men do not pick womenand this inequality alone could therefore make it necessary for the genders to possess the precise sex drives they do, calibrated such the way they have been described in the Chivers, Diamond, et al. studies (as prime examples) that humans receive as part of a gender specific package of instincts given them at birth.
This I realize places "The Mammalian Way" theory squarely in the face of decades of accepted presumptions in the social sciences, one of which is that men and women's sex drives are basically the same. That notion could not be further from the truth.
Meanwhile, since women instinctively pick men for sex, a woman only needs to dial the intensity of her sex drive up when she is ready for sex, and men must have their sex drive on at full intensity all of the time when they are awake because they need to be ready for when they are signaled that she’s ready for sex. This is but one example of how “The Mammalian Way” instincts actually operate within the human species.
And once again my findings have been validated by the works of several colleagues’ third party study conclusions.
Conclusions that until my theory hit the streets are/were somewhat of an enigma for many social scientists, psychiatrists, etc. And this includes the late Sigmund Freud. My theory provides the world of social science with a more complete paradigm of “behavioral psychology-sociology” that helps to provide better care and understanding of our physiological and psychological selves such as, "What Women Want"! But that’s another blog…….
The importance of why you need to know the tenets of "The Mammalian Way" is embodied in the theory, the book, and curriculum by the same name. Learn to have more control over yourself & your relationships and achieve much more pleasure and far less pain in your quality of life. That's a given… Best to you…..Gary James…..
I do not encourage comments or questions on this blog. However, if you wish to contact me direct, you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org I am the only one who reads mail sent to that location so privacy and your anonymity is far less an issue.
Since I began to promote my book titled, “The mammalian Way” I have been asked for advice on just about every category of personal relationships, from dating to divorce as it were. Even though I can give a reasonable answer to most questions based on my experience as a social science researcher, the fact is, I have uncovered the bottom line reasons WHY humans behave the way they do in personal relationships, especially when sex* can become a factor. So I also typically take time to emphasize the importance of knowing WHY humans behave the way they do in personal relationships.
Knowing why is extremely important because it opens a psychological pathway for humans to routinely benefit by one of the most basic principles in all of mammalian society. Namely, the principle of acquiring less pain – more pleasure from virtually all personal relationships. And when you read my book you will find as human mammals go this includes the more cognitive influences on human behavior as well.
*(Sex, you see, is a most poignant common denominator between human social behavior and the social behavior of all the other mammals on the earth. I maintain that directly or even very IN directly it is sex, the potential for it (or lack of it) that plays a role in most issues that arise in human personal relationships.)
Meanwhile, it is your own common sense, a reasonable level of reading comprehension, and at least some interaction with the opposite gender as well as follow the support venues I produce that will provide most of what you need in order to understand, apply, and otherwise benefit by the tenets (secrets) revealed in “The Mammalian Way” as to what you might do (and not do) to improve the overall quality of your life in personal relationships.
Keep in mind I am a Social Theorist not a therapist. Much of my research is centered on innate or instinctive human behavior and my theory was initially constructed to support those who administer therapy to others such as psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, and the likes.
Moreover, unless they have read my very simple work that contains a truly original theory of why we have much of the issues we do within “Love Interest” type relationships between the genders, the professors usually stop short of explaining the question, WHY.
Meanwhile, the material I share can be quite therapeutic because I have uncovered the bottom line root of WHY most of the issues between men & women exist.
From my research I eventually constructed a theory that was gleaned from direct interaction with thousands of people (in small groups as well as one on one encounters.) over a relatively long period of time (approx. 30 years).
In that time, I sometimes gave advice in the form of suggestions as to what might be done to improve a particular person’s situation(s) that they were in. I kept low key and only made suggestions where I knew I could follow up. I did this for two main reasons.
One, most of the people I discussed my research with are/were licensed therapists who specialized in one area of psychology-sociology or another. Two, most of the people I researched data from HAD NO IDEA I WAS TAKING NOTES ON OUR ENCOUNTER.
This methodology turned up some amazing things. For example, one thing I discovered was, most “people” ask questions, give opinions, and then display behavior that was most often in direct conflict** with what they told me. **(In other words, most people will lie to themselves, usually to satisfy the more cognitive or semantic influences of human behavior, including romance, then proceed to act out typical mammalian behavior often to the full as if drawn to it.)
The conflict occurred most often and regardless of their socio-economic-cultural or educational background and whether it was a part of one on one encounters or a mixed gender group. This is also how I knew I was on to something huge and something viable although early on I was not intent on an entire new theory that provides all professional therapists et. al. with a more complete paradigm of behavioral psychology.
I constructed a theory that is based upon one assumption and takes into account all or nearly all of the encounters that heterosexual human men & women can experience. Given the diversity of human encounters and their potential for peculiar behavior any theory that proposes a collective answer is at least an ambitious undertaking. This is why it took decades to complete.
The segment titled “Relationship Therapy” is an exercise area where personal relationship issues are shared and then we discuss the issue with respect to the many tenets of the theory I constructed that is part of what you will find when you read my book titled, “The Mammalian Way”. In order to receive the full value of the relationship therapy you need to use my book as a point of reference. You can buy the printed cover version for only $19.95 or the PDF file version of the book for as little as only $5.00 US Go to www.themammalianway.com
I do not encourage comments on this blog. However, if you wish to contact me use email@example.com or tweet me @garyjames
What does the late Yale student Annie Le, Raymond Clark, and “The Mammalian Way” have in common? Tons of instinctive behavior that’s what.
A recent comment made by one of my readers about my book titled, “The Mammalian Way (TMW)”™ was, “It’s a ground zero for everything in relationships”. And as word spreads about the merits of applying this knowledge into the everyday lives of an earth wide population I see now that is a great way to sum up “TMW”.
Unfortunately, no one told Yale student Annie Le or her alleged murderer Raymond Clark. Had either of them known even the least of the tenets of “TMW” that tend to control human instinctive behavior as they interact with each other throughout life it is more than possible that Annie Le would still be alive and Raymond Clark would not be headed to trial for murder.
How do I know this? Let’s take Raymond Clark as an example. In my book I maintain that all heterosexual males have a very powerful instinctive need to be honored. This need is not something that can be controlled only dealt with through some sort of satiation of the need. This only becomes an issue because we live in a world that is imperfectly safe to a great degree and this also makes it near impossible for men to receive adequate honor to satiate the drive.
If a man happens to be in an environment not conducive to honor satiation he will automatically and instinctively deploy a psychological defense mechanism I call *“Perversions of Honor”. That is to say, a man will do things that might otherwise be deemed dishonorable in order to receive a form of false honor that will somewhat satiate his otherwise insatiable need to receive honor. And, if he does not get even a “perversion of honor” over a long enough time he can easily become a walking time bomb of pent up frustration.
So what is it that can set off this bomb? Why an untimely “dis” to his honor. And if that untimely dis comes from a woman it is tantamount to a *”Double Dis” and if there is even the slightest animosity between he and she at the time, this can easily send a man into a brief torrent frenzy of extreme aggressive behavior.
Had Annie Le knew of these facts or if Raymond had been taught the type of circumstances that could occur that might make him susceptible to such aggressive then she/he could have instituted the simple measures outlined in the book to avoid & diffuse such situations in the first place.
There are many advantages to knowing “The Mammalian Way”. I recommend that everyone who routinely interacts with other people read my book and use the information there as a point of reference to optimize the benefits of every relationship you encounter no matter how insignificant that it may seem.
Meanwhile, I maintain that unless something changes in the way that men are currently being socialized and/or rehabilitated in our culture we can all expect a dramatic increase in outbursts of extreme aggressive behavior in relationships from men. CAVEAT!
I do not encourage comments here. However, you may email me privately at, firstname.lastname@example.org I am the only one who reads that mail.
copyright (C) Gary James 2009 all rights reserved.
He’s moving too fast, he constantly talks about an ex, he’s reluctant to be seen with you in public. These are elements of a distinct pattern ofsocial behavior in relationships between men and womenthat could lead to the cognitive conclusion, HE’S NOT THE ONE”!….But, then again, these behavior patterns might mean that maybe he is. Why the conflict?
It’s because these behavior patterns in a man* could mean he’s on the rebound (and you’re the re-bounder, and that alone could be a good or bad thing.) Or, it could mean he’s cheating on someone and using you as the cheating device. OR, it could be perfectly normal behavior for him as a part of his process to become socialized into another or even a more committed relationship. (*The same behavior patterns in a woman, often means something entirely different.)
So if you are a woman and the evident love interest of a man with such a pattern of behavior and you’re trying your best to discernthe psychology of men or of women, does this mean you just shrug your shoulders, hope for the best and go along for the ride? Well, that is certainly one way to go. However, there is a much safer alternative.
Now days it is vital for someone who values their own heart & self esteem, who wants more pleasure and less pain out of everyday life, that they necessarily need to be able to drill down through the cognitive and be able to read a man or a woman’s instinctive behavior patterns known as, “The Mammalian Way”™.
From Sigmund Freud to Dr. Phil, most people who use psychology as a part of their career will tell you that instinctive behavior has a tendency to be at the root of what controls human behavior. “The Mammalian Way”™ points out how to discern such behavior and what it means from the gender specific perspective, especially when it comes to social behavior between men and women in relationships.
In other words, the information conveyed in the pages of, “The Mammalian Way”™ will provide women with a tool to really get a sense for if the one you’re with or the one you want to be with,is he the one or not?
Men who overtly act out their mammalian selves how, where, and when they choose has been a human foregone fact of life for centuries. It’s only been over the last forty years where men have been forced to deal with the psychology of women doing essentially the same thing. For those who read my book you can now see that “The Mammalian Way”™ is alive and well in our culture. The fact is, as the world turned more and more unsafe, this elaborate psychological defense mechanism has become more and more prominent in controlling human behavior.
However, it’s only been in recent decades where men have had to face knowing “how and why” “The Mammalian Way”™ operates on each gender. Otherwise, they get screwed and they don’t get “nearly enough sex” in relationships (more pain-less pleasure) and this at least goes against the basic premise of the acclaimed, “Pleasure Principle”.
Even though a small portion of men can see how it affects their love life, intuitively, most men still choose to remain ignorant as to “The Mammalian Way’s” importance, and it shows, for example, in the increase in the number of men who clandestinely ask me for help.
“What do I say to a woman when I approach her”? This is still the number one question I get asked by men who find it ever increasingly difficult to find a mutually agreeable woman willing to have sex with him.
Men allow their mammalian selves to get completely out of control while at the same time they use their cognitive ability to lie to themselves, that they do not need to follow the mammalian rules of social behavior in relationships, especially when they do not even bother to know what the rules are. It’s like a man who goes on a hunt and all he takes with him is a gun and some bullets (analogous to his erection and his big mouth) but no proper clothing or, knowledge of the game he’s hunting, knowledge of the woods, rules related to the hunt, and any recent changes to those rules. How foolish is that? Meanwhile,
The answer to the rhetorical question, what do I say is, “If a man is smart he says nothing at all until she approaches you or gives you a sign that it’s OK to approach her”. Otherwise, a man should not approach a woman. Believe it or not, that is how it’s always been. It’s a part of the Mammalian Way and it always works. The reason men feel that they can use some “line” to “pick up a woman” is because of their own “Perversions of Honor” (See the book titled “The Mammalian Way”.)
So long as a man does not know what “Perversions of Honor” means and how to work his life around it, in this day and age he is not likely to have nearly the sex he could have, and this includes committed relationships between men and women such as marriage. WHY? Because most of the instinctive behavioral elements of “The Mammalian way”™ that have remained dormant or suppressed within women for centuries is now becoming more and more manifest in their daily lives.
Essentially, the changes men now see in women’s empowered behavior is, a woman’s Mammalian Way coming of age. And so long as we live in an imperfectly safe world the gusto of what that means, ala, more sex, more pleasure-less pain, will go to the men and women who know about and how to contend with the attributes related to “The Mammalian Way”™.
In other words, with respect to meeting a woman willing to have sex with them, men screw themselves through ignorance of “The Mammalian Way”™ and as a consequence they also do not have sex with a woman nearly as much as they could. To learn more click the book cover below.
I do not encourage commenst here. If you wish you may email me, email@example.com I am the only one who reads mail sent there.
You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com I do not encourage comments here. Email firstname.lastname@example.org OR, http://www.twitter.com/garyjames OR, click the link to buy my book titled, “The Mammalian Way”.
Could the injuries & fatalities that occurred on 8-4-09 at the LAfitness club near Bridgeville, PA have been avoided? Possibly. That is if Sodini or who ever he went to for therapy (If he went to therapy) new about the true issues that surround human instinctive behavior, behavior I call, “The Mammalian Way”.
From what I’ve read in his blog, George Sodini’s behavior is directly related to a lack of knowledge about a most important psychological-sociological discovery I made about human unlearned behavior. For men, they have an extraordinary intense & instinctive need for honor & sex. (And it’s very different for men than women.)
I mention the fact it’s different for men and women because I have found if you want to help humans make a reasonably permanent and positive change in their behavior then such modification begins with an understanding of how each gender responds to their own set of instincts, especially the ones that effect social behavior.
For example, most people who read my book, “The Mammalian Way” are initially surprised to learn that between sex & honor it’s men’s sense of honor drive that typically causes men the most trouble and causes the most pain in their lives. And whether you are a long time licensed therapist (psychiatrist, psychologist, social counselor, etc) or an ordinary civilian who interacts with other people, you need to read my book and learn about the theory I developed over several decades. Why?
Because, so long as we live in an increasingly unsafe world without such knowledge you will have an ever increasing probability and more risk of pain in your life, pain that can be avoided. Such was the case for George Sodini as well as 3 dead and several other injured women. The mammalian way of things, that I am certain is at the root of that tragedy bit them bad.
….the theories indirectly pose very definite answers to many of the more pervasive questions that have become a part of human culture. Questions such as, “Why do good girls like bad boys”? “Why do Men only seem to want one thing”? “Why are Women so difficult to figure out”? and more….
Professionally, my background is production. (TV, film, standard grass roots stuff, etc) Whatever legitimate way I could pay the bills.
Along that journey I discovered I had an ability to write and share useful information about relationships. (A spin off from a wider endeavor called Social Theory)
This has spawned from me a book that literally adds two new workable theories to the big picture paradigm in the social sciences. I discovered that humans have instinctively developed over a long period of time two elaborate psychological defense mechanisms (one for women, one for men) that help us to contend with moment to moment survival amongst one another who have no choice but to live in an imperfectly safe world (environment). The issue is, our instinctive behavior now runs a constant collision course with our learned behavior. It’s an earth wide issue and over the last few decades at least it has brought the human condition face to face with it’s own existence.
The question can be asked then, is there hope for humans? I say yes, absolutely. It just takes a little understanding of what we often take for granted (our behavior) and a little application of that understanding to make our lives, and especially our relationships with others more perfect under the circumstances we each face day to day.
On a lighter note, the interesting part (and why the book is worth the resources spent to read it) is the theories indirectly pose very definite answers to many of the open ended and more pervasive questions that have become a part of human culture. Questions such as, “Why do good girls like bad boys”? “Why do Men only seem to want one thing”? “Why are Women so difficult to figure out”? and more.
OR, TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY,
Application of the information shared in the book, “The Mammalian Way” will help to take away the pain or potential pain often associated with personal relationships and brought about because we are conditioned by our own society’s socialization process to “MISREAD” the actions and reactions of people’s instinctive behavior and especially the behavior of the opposite sex. Still, this book is not necessarily for everyone.
However, it is:
FOR ANYONE WHO FEELS LIKE THEY ALWAYS SEEM TO ATTRACT THE ATTENTION OF THE PEOPLE WHO ARE JUST “WRONG” FOR THEM!
For women who feel they needed to “decide” between marrying safe and the Za za Zoom of love.
For men who get their heart broken every time they get into a relationship…and they have no idea the real reason(s) why?
For anyone who has come home to find an empty house or apartment because their “Love” interest has left them and can never provide a tangible explanation as to why?
For anyone who has heard the words, “I just don’t love you any more” spoken from the one who was supposed to be their “soul mate”.
For people who wish to avoid the “control freak” “Fatal Attraction” syndrome in relationships.
For people who are in a long term relationship and the “Za Za ZOOM” feeling that made it worth while in the first place has somehow evaporated.
For people who were burned in relationships to the point they now think that relationships, just like love….stinks!
For men who think that to approach women using the age old “numbers Game”, i.e., the more women you directly approach the greater the probability of meeting a woman willing to go out with you….is still the way to meet women….
For women who know, “Men only want one thing”, but can’t figure out much of anything else about men beyond that (and often do not admit it).
For women who constantly fake orgasm to keep him happy then masturbate for sexual release.
For women who “turned” gay or Bi in order to achieve true intimacy in the physical aspects of a relationship.
For men who think that they are the ones who “pick up women”.
For men who are phobic enough to not engage in conversations with women about subjects such as the Vagina, etc.
For men who are phobic enough about their manhood that they will not take the lead in a relationship with a woman.(For men who do not know enough or even how to take the lead in a relationship in the first place.)
For anyone who has cheated or been cheated on and wants to change that behavior.
For women and for men who truly want a relationship as perfect as possible.
For anyone who has been in or does not want to be in an abusive relationship.
For anyone who wants to improve their love (includes sex) life
For men who have never had “A” grade sex in their life (and probably does not even know what that means).
For anyone who loves “Love & Romance” but is afraid to trust it.
For anyone who materially “has it all” (house, business, condo at the beach, plenty money, trophy spouse, cars, etc) but senses that there is still something missing from your life….Something that you can’t quite put your finger on (pin point).
For anyone who wants their sex life to be fun and therapeutic.
For anyone who relates to what is conveyed here but has not read one specific to you.
Plus, as you learn to see and to utilize your new understanding of the Mammalian Way people become more predictable and tolerable because you will possess a more complete paradigm of “WHY” people behave the way they do, even when they don’t. Especially when that behavior runs contrary to what the social norms and mores of our culture might dictate.
All & all, understanding the Mammalian Way will provide you with a more tangible sense of peace and harmony with yourself and with others…and a silent ability, uniquely human trait that can be used to keep your world a physical & emotionally safer place to live. This is because human instinctive behavior that make up the Mammalian Way is predictable.
I do not encourage comments here. If you wish you may email me email@example.com I am the only one who reads email sent there.