“WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT”? IS FREUD’S PROVERBIAL QUESTION STILL ENIGMATIC FOR TODAYS SEXOLOGISTS?

Saturday, March 13th, 2010

You are at www.garyjamesblogs.com

In the process of reading their work I discovered the professional sexologists confirm and validate the theory known as, “The Mammalian Way”…. It’s a theory, a book & a curriculum that teaches men and women how to obtain what each of them in the relationship truly desrie from the same relationship especially if you’re the type who “wants it all”… So,

photo courtesy of Ryan McGinley

 

Sexologist Meredith Chivers

 

“WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT”?  SEXOLOGIST MEREDITH CHIVERS, LISA DIAMOND, AND OTHER PROFESSIONALS STILL STRUGGLE WITH SIGMUND FREUD’S PROVERBIAL QUESTION: From an article by Daniel Bergner, author of the book, “The Other Side of Desire”.

It’s a journey and for Meredith Chivers a sexologist and well respected social scientist, Freud’s question, “What do women want” prevails in her life’s research because within the world of relationship issues where sex can become a factor, Chivers admits she still struggles to make sense of the data she collects with respect to women’s actual responses to sexual stimuli vs how women say they respond.

One report I read about her work seems to indicate Ms Chiver’s data supports the notion that regardless of what women say, and since there is a tendency for women to become wet between the legs whether they view sexual encounters between women & men, men & men, or women & women, that Ms Chiver’s therefore concludes, “all women have homo-sexual tendencies”.

Of course such a ridiculous statement only adds to the confusion about what women want and it does not come from Meredith Chivers or her peers. It’s merely journalists doing what they do best, that is, to report facts completely out of context with the truth.

What Chivers data actually turned up was that women regardless of what they predicted about how they would feel (behave) had a tendency to be aroused (as opposed to desire) by the connections depicted (perceived) between an amalgamation of two people in various visual images that were shown to women participating in Chiver’s study.  

Be that as it may, still, as a professional Social Theorist I can understand the confusion journalists, sexologists, and plenty of other social scientists have with regard to what Ms Chivers along with a number of her colleagues have discovered. That is, women can be physiologically aroused by any number of stimuli (not just sexual) where a connection between two people seems to convey some sense of warmth (security) that reaches deep down into a woman’s physiological self and touches her insatiable need for safety.

However, such an arousal does not necessarily point to her true desire, let alone her true sexual desire. (such as homo sexual tendencies despite saying she is straight)

The story I read about Chiver's study was also used as a basis for the Daniel Bergner article I found in the New York Times magazine, where Bergner is a contributing writer.

Meanwhile, Chivers uses a device called a plethysmograph that attaches to the genitals and measures men’s erection and blood flow as well as a device that measures a woman’s secretions and blood flow. Chivers collects the data and then weighs the actual responses of the participants, against the subjective opinions from the same people who type their response on a key pad. The stimuli used to induce responses are various visuals of sexual content.

The overall results of the study:

For men, the results were painfully (and for me & my research as well) predictably standard. Men’s minds were in agreement with their genitals. Men actually got an erection when they typed that they got an erection on the keypad (subjective).

However, with the women, “mind and genitals seemed scarcely to belong to the same person. The readings from the plethysmograph and the keypad weren’t in much accord”. In other words the women reported (subjectively) less excitement than their vaginas indicated;

To which I say No kidding. No offense to my colleagues or the journalists but anyone who has even a modicum of understanding of my theory and book titled, “The mammalian Way” could tell you the responses that were recorded in the study are the typical responses to expect from each gender to produce, so long as we live in an imperfectly safe world. (See the book, “The mammalian Way” for further explanation)

Accordingly, it’s also nice to see that the academic world’s findings also hold the tenets of my theory to be true and accurate. Meanwhile, the Daniel Bergner interview of Meredith Chivers and others in her league such as Lisa Diamond, have once again validated much of my theory and frankly I am glad because it also gives me a number of recent studies to refer my readers to as a cross reference for further understanding of how “The Mammalian Way” operates and exercises great influence over even moment to moment decisions humans make in dealing with daily relationship issues, especially where sex can become a factor.

Out of sheer professional interest I suggest the following consideration with great respect for the challenges my colleagues face. The issue Chivers et. al. seem to face is,…While in the process of comparing arousal & desire in order to obtain predictable patterns of behavior, they all seem to have thus far completely failed to factor into their body of work (and studies) the other instinctive factors that often dramatically affect social-sexual behavior in addition to sex or sexual content. There are a number of instinctive needs to consider but the two that can be most volatile for social-sexual behavior are safety for women and honor for men.

Or, to put it plainly, women’s innate need for safety and men’s innate need for honor greatly influence and at times even control sexual arousal and desire in a human being far more often and intensely than do mere visual cues of various types of sexual content. (Reference the book, "The Mammalian Way" for further understanding)

 

Lisa Diamond bottom line:

Similarly, Sexologist Lisa Diamond conducts studies similar to Chivers. Diamond’s conclusions concur with Chivers for the most part. However, it is interesting to note that during Bergner’s research for his book and the article I found in NY Times magazine that lead me to Chivers, Diamond, et al., at one point in Bergner’s interview with Diamond, in an effort to exemplify the physiological issues that Diamond believes still exist between men and women she showed Bergner “a photograph of two control panels, one representing the workings of male desire, the second, female, the first with only a simple on-off switch, the second with countless knobs”. If either of Chivers. Diamond, Bergner or the others of the group of professionals,  were to read my theory chronicled in the book, “The Mammalian Way” where I describe men’s sex drive as, “SWITHED ON WHEN THEY WAKE AND AT FULL INTENSITY AND THEN OFF AGAIN WHEN MEN ARE ASLEEP (MAYBE)”, they could see there is no in between for men’s innate sex drive and this fact is the major reason why men are able to consistently view women as sex objects first and remain focused on behavior that is predictably the same during the studies conducted by Chivers, et al.

As for women’s “countless knobs” attached to their sex drive my theory sets forth that, “UNLIKE MEN, WOMEN ARE ABLE TO DIAL DOWN THE INTENSITY OF THEIR SEX DRIVE OR DIAL IT UP TO FULL INTENSITY OR PLACE IT ANYWHERE IN BETWEEN, AND KEEP IT AT HER OWN DESIRED INTENSITY INDEFINITELY”. This fact I also theorize is because just like other female mammals, Women instinctively pick men for sex men do not pick women and this inequality alone could therefore make it necessary for the genders to possess the precise sex drives they do, calibrated such the way they have been described in the Chivers, Diamond, et al. studies (as prime examples) that humans receive as part of a gender specific package of instincts given them at birth.

This I realize places "The Mammalian Way" theory squarely in the face of decades of accepted presumptions in the social sciences, one of which is that men and women's sex drives are basically the same. That notion could not be further from the truth. 

Meanwhile, since women instinctively pick men for sex, a woman only needs to dial the intensity of her sex drive up when she is ready for sex, and men must have their sex drive on at full intensity all of the time when they are awake because they need to be ready for when they are signaled that she’s ready for sex. This is but one example of how “The Mammalian Way” instincts actually operate within the human species.

And once again my findings have been validated by the works of several colleagues’ third party study conclusions.

Conclusions that until my theory hit the streets are/were somewhat of an enigma for many social scientists, psychiatrists, etc. And this includes the late Sigmund Freud. My theory provides the world of social science with a more complete paradigm of “behavioral psychology-sociology” that helps to provide better care and understanding of our physiological and psychological selves such as, "What Women Want"! But that’s another blog…….

The importance of why you need to know the tenets of "The Mammalian Way" is embodied in the theory, the book, and curriculum by the same name. Learn to have more control over yourself & your relationships and achieve much more pleasure and far less pain in your quality of life. That's a given… Best to you…..Gary James…..

I do not encourage comments or questions on this blog. However, if you wish to contact me direct, you can email me at garyjamesrelationshiptherapy@yahoo.com I am the only one who reads mail sent to that location so privacy and your anonymity is far less an issue.

 

© Copyright Gary James 2010 all rights reserved.

 

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

GEORGE SODINI KILLS 3 & INJURES 9 WOMEN! WHY? SUPREME LACK OF KNOWLEDGE ABOUT “THE MAMMALIAN WAY”

Sunday, August 9th, 2009

You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com I do not encourage comments here. Email gary.jms1@gmail.com OR, http://www.twitter.com/garyjames OR, click the link to buy my book titled, “The Mammalian Way”.

Could the injuries & fatalities that occurred on 8-4-09 at the LAfitness club near Bridgeville, PA have been avoided? Possibly. That is if Sodini or who ever he went to for therapy (If he went to therapy) new about the true issues that surround human instinctive behavior, behavior I call, “The Mammalian Way”.

From what I’ve read in his blog, George Sodini’s behavior is directly related to a lack of knowledge about a most important psychological-sociological discovery I made about human unlearned behavior. For men, they have an extraordinary intense & instinctive need for honor & sex. (And it’s very different for men than women.)

I mention the fact it’s different for men and women because I have found if you want to help humans make a reasonably permanent and positive change in their behavior then such modification begins with an understanding of how each gender responds to their own set of instincts, especially the ones that effect social behavior.

For example, most people who read my book, “The Mammalian Way” are initially surprised to learn that between sex & honor it’s men’s sense of honor drive that typically causes men the most trouble and causes the most pain in their lives. And whether you are a long time licensed therapist (psychiatrist, psychologist, social counselor, etc) or an ordinary civilian who interacts with other people, you need to read my book and learn about the theory I developed over several decades. Why?

Because, so long as we live in an increasingly unsafe world without such knowledge you will have an ever increasing probability and more risk of pain in your life, pain that can be avoided. Such was the case for George Sodini as well as 3 dead and several other injured women. The mammalian way of things, that I am certain is at the root of that tragedy bit them bad.

Copyright (C) Gary James 2009 All rights reserved

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“THE MAMMALIAN WAY” WHAT IS IT? WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO READ IT?

Wednesday, June 24th, 2009

You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com

….the theories indirectly pose very definite answers to many of the more pervasive questions that have become a part of human culture. Questions such as, “Why do good girls like bad boys”? “Why do Men only seem to want one thing”? “Why are Women so difficult to figure out”? and more….

Professionally, my background is production. (TV, film, standard grass roots stuff, etc) Whatever legitimate way I could pay the bills.

Along that journey I discovered I had an ability to write and share useful information about relationships. (A spin off from a wider endeavor called Social Theory)

This has spawned from me a book that literally adds two new workable theories to the big picture paradigm in the social sciences. I discovered that humans have instinctively developed over a long period of time two elaborate psychological defense mechanisms (one for women, one for men) that help us to contend with moment to moment survival amongst one another who have no choice but to live in an imperfectly safe world (environment). The issue is, our instinctive behavior now runs a constant collision course with our learned behavior. It’s an earth wide issue and over the last few decades at least it has brought the human condition face to face with it’s own existence.

The question can be asked then, is there hope for humans? I say yes, absolutely. It just takes a little understanding of what we often take for granted (our behavior) and a little application of that understanding to make our lives, and especially our relationships with others more perfect under the circumstances we each face day to day.

On a lighter note, the interesting part (and why the book is worth the resources spent to read it) is the theories indirectly pose very definite answers to many of the open ended and more pervasive questions that have become a part of human culture. Questions such as, “Why do good girls like bad boys”? “Why do Men only seem to want one thing”? “Why are Women so difficult to figure out”? and more.

OR, TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY,

Application of the information shared in the book, “The Mammalian Way” will help to take away the pain or potential pain often associated with personal relationships and brought about because we are conditioned by our own society’s socialization process to “MISREAD” the actions and reactions of people’s instinctive behavior and especially the behavior of the opposite sex. Still, this book is not necessarily for everyone.

However, it is:

FOR ANYONE WHO FEELS LIKE THEY ALWAYS SEEM TO ATTRACT THE ATTENTION OF THE PEOPLE WHO ARE JUST “WRONG” FOR THEM!

For women who feel they needed to “decide” between marrying safe and the Za za Zoom of love.

For men who get their heart broken every time they get into a relationship…and they have no idea the real reason(s) why?

For anyone who has come home to find an empty house or apartment because their “Love” interest has left them and can never provide a tangible explanation as to why?

For anyone who has heard the words, “I just don’t love you any more” spoken from the one who was supposed to be their “soul mate”.

For people who wish to avoid the “control freak” “Fatal Attraction” syndrome in relationships.

For people who are in a long term relationship and the “Za Za ZOOM” feeling that made it worth while in the first place has somehow evaporated.

For people who were burned in relationships to the point they now think that relationships, just like love….stinks!

For men who think that to approach women using the age old “numbers Game”, i.e., the more women you directly approach the greater the probability of meeting a woman willing to go out with you….is still the way to meet women….

For women who know, “Men only want one thing”, but can’t figure out much of anything else about men beyond that (and often do not admit it).

For women who constantly fake orgasm to keep him happy then masturbate for sexual release.

For women who “turned” gay or Bi in order to achieve true intimacy in the physical aspects of a relationship.

For men who think that they are the ones who “pick up women”.

For men who are phobic enough to not engage in conversations with women about subjects such as the Vagina, etc.

For men who are phobic enough about their manhood that they will not take the lead in a relationship with a woman. (For men who do not know enough or even how to take the lead in a relationship in the first place.)

For anyone who has cheated or been cheated on and wants to change that behavior.

For women and for men who truly want a relationship as perfect as possible.

For anyone who has been in or does not want to be in an abusive relationship.

For anyone who wants to improve their love (includes sex) life

For men who have never had “A” grade sex in their life (and probably does not even know what that means).

For anyone who loves “Love & Romance” but is afraid to trust it.

For anyone who materially “has it all” (house, business, condo at the beach, plenty money, trophy spouse, cars, etc) but senses that there is still something missing from your life….Something that you can’t quite put your finger on (pin point).

For anyone who wants their sex life to be fun and therapeutic.

For anyone who relates to what is conveyed here but has not read one specific to you.

Plus, as you learn to see and to utilize your new understanding of the Mammalian Way people become more predictable and tolerable because you will possess a more complete paradigm of “WHY” people behave the way they do, even when they don’t. Especially when that behavior runs contrary to what the social norms and mores of our culture might dictate.

All & all, understanding the Mammalian Way will provide you with a more tangible sense of peace and harmony with yourself and with others…and a silent ability, uniquely human trait that can be used to keep your world a physical & emotionally safer place to live. This is because human instinctive behavior that make up the Mammalian Way is predictable.

I do not encourage comments here. If you wish you may email me gary.jms1@gmail.com I am the only one who reads email sent there.

Copyright (c) Gary James 2009 all rights reserved



 

 


Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

NEW THEORIES IN THE SOCIAL SCIENCES MEET WITH SKEPTICISM AND CURIOSITY!

Sunday, May 24th, 2009

You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com

….Learn to read women like a book. It’s never been easier once you know what to look for…. Do you think I’m full of condensed Horse Crap!? Let me tell you, during the process to get my research into readable form and into practice, there were many times that I sure did……

 

Why me? I have been asked that question in one way or another by several people since the day I began to put forth the prospect that I had assembled new and useful psychological information in the form of elaborate & instinctive defense mechanisms made manifest as a result of human experience with current society & cultures earth wide.

 

Nearly anyone you speak with demonstrates a sense that something has changed about the nature of how people interact with each other. That’s not new.

 

It’s the fact that there is a distinct pattern to how humans act and react to each other in an ever increasing unsafe environment that allows for relative predictable behavior patterns that emerge as elaborate defense mechanisms (one for men, one for women) that tend to control behavior regardless of culture, age, social status, wealth, or the likes. This is what I have seen develop over nearly 35 years of research and study, and I’ve assembled my findings into at least one book.

 

Meanwhile, the main variable in my research seems to be the difference in how the gender’s act & react to each other…especially where sex can become a factor.

 

But wait! I am ahead of myself. Like a guide who knows that once you take the journey with me, a journey to the center of yourself perhaps, where much will be revealed to you about Y-O-U as well as others (and especially the opposite sex) it will serve you as a method or tool to recalibrate your own understanding of many everyday social norms that most people now think they already understand. And as long as people continue to assess their everyday social life using an incomplete if not an antiquated paradigm, you can expect an increase in the pain that current day humans often experience as they pass in and out of one relationship (biz or personal) after another.

 

But Wait! What about me? Why does Gary James get to share this more complete everyday social paradigm with the world?

 

In a world that produced Sigmund Freud, Carl Rodgers, B.F. Skinner, Jean Piaget, and yes even Dr. Phil, why amongst these pillars of the social sciences as well as the thousands of learned professionals from psychiatrists to social workers, why did I see the big picture before those who came before me.

 

Couple my rudimentary formal education in psychology and sociology with an aptitude and a voracious appetite to see the bottom line as well as the big picture of things in my life, along with a chance meeting and a couple other life’s choices I made, as an aggregate they seemed to have put me in an unusual if not a unique position where I was able to fetter out the facts related to two new theories in the social sciences that are manifest as elaborate psychological defense mechanisms by which most humans instinctively use to cope with their everyday environment. Actions & events that people take for granted as being isolated or independent situations have simply not been identified as part of an overall instinctive operation to cope.

 

Then just like a CSI detective, I collected and followed the evidence for nearly 30 years and drew my conclusions objectively (despite being a sexually straight male human and stricken with the condition known as, “all thoughts pass through my penis prism first”) I was able to make genuine conclusions that fit all the facts.

 

Accurate as they may be I have assembled these facts and conclusions into theories and how to use them in your everyday life to make any of the relationships you engage in more perfect than they are now, and how to avoid or diminish the pain you often experience while in a relationship, into a book titled, “The Mammalian Way” The book is an easy read and chock full of examples put in terms of sexuality, sexual behavior, and other humorous (anecdotes). You know….the sultry stuff of life. The stuff that’s interesting to read.

 

The book also sheds light on such questions as,

 

“Why do married people really cheat”? And how to avoid this from happening to you.

“Why do good girls like bad boys”? And how to have this knowledge work for you in a relationship.

“Why do men seem to only want one thing”? Learn to discern how men really react to women and what they really want.

“Why are women supposedly so unpredictable?” Learn to read women like a book. It’s never been easier once you know what to look for.

 

Do you think I’m full of condensed Horse Crap!? Let me tell you, during the process to get my research into readable form and into practice, there were many times I sure did.

 

However, as the bigger picture of human behavior unfolded in front of me and I put into practice the conclusions from the facts, it made my life and the lives of many other people happier and it helped to make people’s everyday relationships more perfect.

 

So visit back to my blog often and stay abreast of the new material I share. Also be on the look out for the release of the book titled, “The Mammalian Way”.

 

I do not encourage comments here. If you wish you may email me gary.jms1@gmail.com I am the only one who reads mail sent there. Best to you,

 

 

Copyright (c) Gary James 2009 all rights reserved.

 

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,