Thursday, July 2nd, 2009
You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com
…The issue is, our instinctive behavior now runs a constant collision course with our learned behavior. It’s an earth wide issue and over the last few decades at least it has brought the human condition face to face with it’s own existence….
“What Is He Thinking? Sanford Violates All Rules of Sex Scandal”. This is one of the headlines Fox News used in reporting on Governor Mark Sanford’s admission he sees his love interest from Argentina as his “Soul Mate”.
According to the theories I developed over many years and now bring to the world via this blog and my book titled, “The Mammalian Way” What Governor Mark Sanford was thinking has nothing to do with it.
What he’s actually facing that brought him to behavior that would violate the “rules of political sex scandal” is the everyday conflict that he along with billions of other male and female human mammals face earth wide within their relationships, especially their most inimate ones. And love does not necessarily have anything to do with it. According to my life long research this is swiftly becoming a fact of current day human existence.
In my book, “The Mammalian Way” I share through two new workable theories that brings a more complete big picture paradigm into the social sciences. I maintain that humans have instinctively developed over a long period of time two elaborate psychological defense mechanisms (one for women, one for men) that help us to contend with moment to moment survival amongst one another who have no choice but to live in an imperfectly safe world (environment). The main issue is, these defense mechanisms are now “trying” to modify our instinctive behavior such that it now runs a constant collision course with our learned behavior. It’s an earth wide issue and over the last few decades at least it has brought the human condition face to face with it’s own existence.
It boiled down to a discovery I made that took nearly three decades to piece together that lead to my authoring a couple new theories that render to the world a more complete paradigm in the social sciences. I call them “The Pendulum Swing of Insecurity” for women and “Perversions of Honor” for men.
How & why did this happen? The theory is quite simple in concept. There are two very elaborate psychological defense mechanisms unconsciously created & developed by human kind over a long period of time in order to contend with mostly instinctive behavior patterns as they emerge from the inner most area of the human condition into an ever increasing “Imperfectly Safe World (ISW)”.
Ironically, although the “ISW” is an environment that seems to be a fact of life I am convinced it is an unnatural state for the human condition and not one that human’s were designed to live under indefinitely. I know this sounds a bit existential but I am certain the issue lies in the conflict between human instinctive and human learned behavior, and it can be readily seen by observation of the defense mechanisms at work, as humans act out instinctive behavior that comes natural to all mammals.
Behavior I refer to as, “The Mammalian Way”. In essence, my book is an introduction to the defense mechanism’s story.
As for Governor Mark Sanford, if he would have read my work before he met his wife I doubt he would be dealing with what he’s got to deal with now. Bye for now.
I do not encourage comments on this blog. If you wish, you may email me, gary.jms1@gmail.com just copy and paste. I am the only one who reads that mail.
Copyright © Gary James 2009 all rights reserved.
Technorati Tags: behavior, defense, governor, honor, human, insecurity, love, mammalian, mark, mate, mechanism, men, pendulum, perversion, psychology, relationships, sanford, scandal, sex, soul, swing, testicles, the, way, women
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Wednesday, June 24th, 2009
You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com
….the theories indirectly pose very definite answers to many of the more pervasive questions that have become a part of human culture. Questions such as, “Why do good girls like bad boys”? “Why do Men only seem to want one thing”? “Why are Women so difficult to figure out”? and more….
Professionally, my background is production. (TV, film, standard grass roots stuff, etc) Whatever legitimate way I could pay the bills.
Along that journey I discovered I had an ability to write and share useful information about relationships. (A spin off from a wider endeavor called Social Theory)
This has spawned from me a book that literally adds two new workable theories to the big picture paradigm in the social sciences. I discovered that humans have instinctively developed over a long period of time two elaborate psychological defense mechanisms (one for women, one for men) that help us to contend with moment to moment survival amongst one another who have no choice but to live in an imperfectly safe world (environment). The issue is, our instinctive behavior now runs a constant collision course with our learned behavior. It’s an earth wide issue and over the last few decades at least it has brought the human condition face to face with it’s own existence.
The question can be asked then, is there hope for humans? I say yes, absolutely. It just takes a little understanding of what we often take for granted (our behavior) and a little application of that understanding to make our lives, and especially our relationships with others more perfect under the circumstances we each face day to day.
On a lighter note, the interesting part (and why the book is worth the resources spent to read it) is the theories indirectly pose very definite answers to many of the open ended and more pervasive questions that have become a part of human culture. Questions such as, “Why do good girls like bad boys”? “Why do Men only seem to want one thing”? “Why are Women so difficult to figure out”? and more.
OR, TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY,
Application of the information shared in the book, “The Mammalian Way” will help to take away the pain or potential pain often associated with personal relationships and brought about because we are conditioned by our own society’s socialization process to “MISREAD” the actions and reactions of people’s instinctive behavior and especially the behavior of the opposite sex. Still, this book is not necessarily for everyone.
However, it is:
FOR ANYONE WHO FEELS LIKE THEY ALWAYS SEEM TO ATTRACT THE ATTENTION OF THE PEOPLE WHO ARE JUST “WRONG” FOR THEM!
For women who feel they needed to “decide” between marrying safe and the Za za Zoom of love.
For men who get their heart broken every time they get into a relationship…and they have no idea the real reason(s) why?
For anyone who has come home to find an empty house or apartment because their “Love” interest has left them and can never provide a tangible explanation as to why?
For anyone who has heard the words, “I just don’t love you any more” spoken from the one who was supposed to be their “soul mate”.
For people who wish to avoid the “control freak” “Fatal Attraction” syndrome in relationships.
For people who are in a long term relationship and the “Za Za ZOOM” feeling that made it worth while in the first place has somehow evaporated.
For people who were burned in relationships to the point they now think that relationships, just like love….stinks!
For men who think that to approach women using the age old “numbers Game”, i.e., the more women you directly approach the greater the probability of meeting a woman willing to go out with you….is still the way to meet women….
For women who know, “Men only want one thing”, but can’t figure out much of anything else about men beyond that (and often do not admit it).
For women who constantly fake orgasm to keep him happy then masturbate for sexual release.
For women who “turned” gay or Bi in order to achieve true intimacy in the physical aspects of a relationship.
For men who think that they are the ones who “pick up women”.
For men who are phobic enough to not engage in conversations with women about subjects such as the Vagina, etc.
For men who are phobic enough about their manhood that they will not take the lead in a relationship with a woman. (For men who do not know enough or even how to take the lead in a relationship in the first place.)
For anyone who has cheated or been cheated on and wants to change that behavior.
For women and for men who truly want a relationship as perfect as possible.
For anyone who has been in or does not want to be in an abusive relationship.
For anyone who wants to improve their love (includes sex) life
For men who have never had “A” grade sex in their life (and probably does not even know what that means).
For anyone who loves “Love & Romance” but is afraid to trust it.
For anyone who materially “has it all” (house, business, condo at the beach, plenty money, trophy spouse, cars, etc) but senses that there is still something missing from your life….Something that you can’t quite put your finger on (pin point).
For anyone who wants their sex life to be fun and therapeutic.
For anyone who relates to what is conveyed here but has not read one specific to you.
Plus, as you learn to see and to utilize your new understanding of the Mammalian Way people become more predictable and tolerable because you will possess a more complete paradigm of “WHY” people behave the way they do, even when they don’t. Especially when that behavior runs contrary to what the social norms and mores of our culture might dictate.
All & all, understanding the Mammalian Way will provide you with a more tangible sense of peace and harmony with yourself and with others…and a silent ability, uniquely human trait that can be used to keep your world a physical & emotionally safer place to live. This is because human instinctive behavior that make up the Mammalian Way is predictable.
I do not encourage comments here. If you wish you may email me gary.jms1@gmail.com I am the only one who reads email sent there.
Copyright (c) Gary James 2009 all rights reserved
Technorati Tags: attraction, behavior, cheat, girls, good, love, mammal, men, psychology, relationships, romance, sex, Social, sociology, theory, vagina, women
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Sunday, May 24th, 2009
You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com
….Learn to read women like a book. It’s never been easier once you know what to look for…. Do you think I’m full of condensed Horse Crap!? Let me tell you, during the process to get my research into readable form and into practice, there were many times that I sure did……
Why me? I have been asked that question in one way or another by several people since the day I began to put forth the prospect that I had assembled new and useful psychological information in the form of elaborate & instinctive defense mechanisms made manifest as a result of human experience with current society & cultures earth wide.
Nearly anyone you speak with demonstrates a sense that something has changed about the nature of how people interact with each other. That’s not new.
It’s the fact that there is a distinct pattern to how humans act and react to each other in an ever increasing unsafe environment that allows for relative predictable behavior patterns that emerge as elaborate defense mechanisms (one for men, one for women) that tend to control behavior regardless of culture, age, social status, wealth, or the likes. This is what I have seen develop over nearly 35 years of research and study, and I’ve assembled my findings into at least one book.
Meanwhile, the main variable in my research seems to be the difference in how the gender’s act & react to each other…especially where sex can become a factor.
But wait! I am ahead of myself. Like a guide who knows that once you take the journey with me, a journey to the center of yourself perhaps, where much will be revealed to you about Y-O-U as well as others (and especially the opposite sex) it will serve you as a method or tool to recalibrate your own understanding of many everyday social norms that most people now think they already understand. And as long as people continue to assess their everyday social life using an incomplete if not an antiquated paradigm, you can expect an increase in the pain that current day humans often experience as they pass in and out of one relationship (biz or personal) after another.
But Wait! What about me? Why does Gary James get to share this more complete everyday social paradigm with the world?
In a world that produced Sigmund Freud, Carl Rodgers, B.F. Skinner, Jean Piaget, and yes even Dr. Phil, why amongst these pillars of the social sciences as well as the thousands of learned professionals from psychiatrists to social workers, why did I see the big picture before those who came before me.
Couple my rudimentary formal education in psychology and sociology with an aptitude and a voracious appetite to see the bottom line as well as the big picture of things in my life, along with a chance meeting and a couple other life’s choices I made, as an aggregate they seemed to have put me in an unusual if not a unique position where I was able to fetter out the facts related to two new theories in the social sciences that are manifest as elaborate psychological defense mechanisms by which most humans instinctively use to cope with their everyday environment. Actions & events that people take for granted as being isolated or independent situations have simply not been identified as part of an overall instinctive operation to cope.
Then just like a CSI detective, I collected and followed the evidence for nearly 30 years and drew my conclusions objectively (despite being a sexually straight male human and stricken with the condition known as, “all thoughts pass through my penis prism first”) I was able to make genuine conclusions that fit all the facts.
Accurate as they may be I have assembled these facts and conclusions into theories and how to use them in your everyday life to make any of the relationships you engage in more perfect than they are now, and how to avoid or diminish the pain you often experience while in a relationship, into a book titled, “The Mammalian Way” The book is an easy read and chock full of examples put in terms of sexuality, sexual behavior, and other humorous (anecdotes). You know….the sultry stuff of life. The stuff that’s interesting to read.
The book also sheds light on such questions as,
“Why do married people really cheat”? And how to avoid this from happening to you.
“Why do good girls like bad boys”? And how to have this knowledge work for you in a relationship.
“Why do men seem to only want one thing”? Learn to discern how men really react to women and what they really want.
“Why are women supposedly so unpredictable?” Learn to read women like a book. It’s never been easier once you know what to look for.
Do you think I’m full of condensed Horse Crap!? Let me tell you, during the process to get my research into readable form and into practice, there were many times I sure did.
However, as the bigger picture of human behavior unfolded in front of me and I put into practice the conclusions from the facts, it made my life and the lives of many other people happier and it helped to make people’s everyday relationships more perfect.
So visit back to my blog often and stay abreast of the new material I share. Also be on the look out for the release of the book titled, “The Mammalian Way”.
I do not encourage comments here. If you wish you may email me gary.jms1@gmail.com I am the only one who reads mail sent there. Best to you,
Copyright (c) Gary James 2009 all rights reserved.
Technorati Tags: book, cheaters, culture, Gary James, men, psychology, relationships, secrets, sex, Social Theorist, society, sociology, women
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Saturday, December 27th, 2008
You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com
….the character Edward Cullen has supreme power to provide for and to dominate Bella Swan so she feels safe enough to melt into his “Lifestyle”…..
Image courtesy of Twilight The Movie Official Web Site
Is it any wonder why the movie “Twilight” has been a box office hit amongst women, especially younger women. The plot and story line fulfillment plays directly into the heart of the pendulum swing nature of women’s own sense of insecurity, although they may or may not be consciously aware of it. But more than that it plays into it with a resolve that satisfies both men’s and women’s psychological defense mechanisms as they work in concert.
The attraction and the success of the movie “Twilight” is because the story’s premise is a perfect example of the psychological theories I uncovered working in harmony (at least between the pair that make up the complete protagonist, stars Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson.)
The two theories (that manifest as psychological defense mechanisms) work in concert in the movie and the underlying reason I see for it’s success is because the character Edward Cullen has supreme power to provide for and to dominate Bella Swan so she feels safe enough to melt into his “Lifestyle” and share in what is arguably a perverse form of existence with out fear. [Defense mechanism one satisfied]
Meanwhile, Edward is dealing with the aspects of an imperfectly safe world where he realizes his actions as a vampire are perverse despite the fact he and his family consume only animal blood as a gesture to show respect for human life. The fact that Edward does not kill people and does not use his power to purposely bully anyone let alone Bella, has the effect of canceling out the negative aspects of the perversions that being a vampire might bring. [Defense mechanism two satisfied.]
Thus, the story becomes a stellar example of the two defense mechanisms working in concert. This connection between Bella and Edward is the blood of the story and what I believe is the true the underlying reason why so many women are attracted to the “Twilight’s” story line. It’s a subliminal attraction that many people might think are teenage impish notions of love & romance and then write them off as merely a way for the 16 year old girl mind set to achieve release. That is, until you understand the theories I uncovered and their axioms.
To learn more about the theories, their application, and how they effect the personal relationships and relative problems in your every day life, read the book, “Love Du Jour: Learn how to Date, Mate, and Communicate with the Opposite Sex in the Era of Empowered Women”.
© Copyright Gary James 2008 all rights reserved
gary@garyjamesradioshow.com
Technorati Tags: Bella Swan, Edward Cullen, empowered women, psychological defense mechanisms, psychology, relationships problems, Twilight movie
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Sunday, December 21st, 2008
You are at www.garyjamesblogs.com
….An empowered woman in that psychological state will bend over, bow down, and do nearly anything her man asks so long as she sees him in the light of power…..
Most women have no idea what they want. However, they do know what they like and respond accordingly when or after they see or experience something that becomes to them what women say they want. You may think this to be merely a sweeping personal opinion. However, as an author and councilor I have used this concept to help many men & women resolve various relationships problems, to avoid other issues in their lives, and make a nice living at it.
My success in helping people in part is because I see clearly the correlation between how empowered a woman is (or claims to be) that coincides with an increased sense of insecurity as extremely predictable. And what this points to is, at least one of the by-products of women’s empowerment. The more empowered she is the more insecure she is….and it’s instinctive. For many women this plain understanding alone has been therapeutic.
I was introduced to the concept of women who become empowered also becoming more insecure as a correlation by a woman who was also my very first serious love affair, her name was Vee.
Vee was an early version of an empowered woman in that by age 21 she had decidedly asserted that she did not need a man to survive. And Vee was right. Yet, by about 30 days into our love affair despite the fact I was 16 years old, Vee had virtually handed me the reigns to take the lead in our relationship.
So long as I remained a worthy leader in her eyes she willingly granted me authority over her. And I saw in her eyes the relief it was for her to follow my lead. (By the way, this action she took also motivated me to become a better man and so for the time we were together our relationship worked.) In time Vee admitted she was more comfortable with me in the lead of the relationship rather than her being the responsible one. And yet Vee was empowered.
Since Vee I have seen this same correlation between an empowered woman and her sense of insecurity in very many women. And to this day I am astounded by how quickly women respond to a man’s power, especially if it’s in the form of his command presence.
An empowered woman in that psychological state will bend over, bow down, and do nearly anything her man asks so long as she sees him in the light of power. Yet, women will rarely ever admit to such vulnerability. And as odd as it may seem, the more empowered a woman is the easier it is for a man to achieve a position of authority in her life.
Why is this so? Because, instinctively, women pick men…Men do not pick women. And in doing so it prompts the natural female mammalian instincts to choose a male then submit to his authority. Which means, women’s empowerment, although a good thing, works against the grain of a woman’s natural physiological instincts….It reinforces her constant inner conflict and the something missing that most women express they feel about their lives.
If you want to know more about how this works read my book titled, “Love Du Jour: Learn to Date, Mate, and Communicate with the Opposite Sex in the Era of Empowered Women”.
Also, I have an internet radio show www.garyjamesradioshow.com and email gary@garyjamesradioshow.com
© Copyright Gary James 2008 all rights reserved.
Technorati Tags: communication issues, instincts, physiological, psychological, psychology, relationships problems, womens empowerment
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Saturday, December 20th, 2008
You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com
When I first told her about the psychological theories I discovered and how they relate to other than personal relationships difficulties, she volunteered information to the effect of, “There is something missing and it’s not merely to deal with an insecure husband.” She said, “It’s something inside, like a gnawing”.
I have many women friends, acquaintances, and lovers who “want it all” and then go out and get it! Yet all of these beautiful empowered women admit, “There’s still something missing”. And each of them I have talked with about the something missing also adds, “And I’m not alone”.
One friend (and former lover) in particular who has plenty of what I call zeal for life, met a man, got married, and raised a beautiful child. She started a business that grew and became successful enough that she now owns a home and a vacation-get away condo, two late model vehicles, private school for her child, and enough free time that she can call her own in order to escape so as to not go crazy when her husband who constantly quizzes her about where she spends her free time as if to say, “honey, I love you but I do not trust you and I’m intimidated by your success”. Got the picture?
When I first told her about the psychological theories I discovered and how they relate to other than personal relationships difficulties, she volunteered information to the effect of, “There is something missing and it’s not merely to deal with an insecure husband.” She said, “It’s something inside, like a gnawing”. YEP!
My friend is the classic example of empowered women syndrome. And it’s nothing more than one of the theories I uncovered that manifests as a deep psychological defense mechanism against a woman’s polarized sense of insecurity.
I say polarized because there are two basic needs for security that women continually contend with and the two are in constant conflict. Each need is instinctive and they tend to operate as a mutually exclusive function. And it is this function that lay at the heart of the “inner gnawing”.
Meanwhile, in following my research I now conclude that if one polarized need is being satisfied to the point where the psychological “gnawing” subsides it is typically at the expense of suppressing or otherwise ignoring the other need, where the “gnawing” persists.
ADVERTISERS
A prime example of how one aspect of this something missing scenario has been exploited can be seen in the advertising industry. Quite often advertisers will aim ads, products, and services at the evident conflict between women’s rational and irrational selves. I am sure this approach works well to move merchandise but it is psychological surface water compared to the deep seated ocean of need a woman has for security that keeps her searching for the “something missing” that often seems to be just out of reach.
Is there a more affirmative answer? Yes. Read “Love Du Jour! Learn How to Date, Mate, and Communicate with the Opposite Sex in the Era of Empowered Women.”
Copyright © Gary James 2008 all rights reserved
Technorati Tags: advertisers, empowered women, psychological, psychology, relationships difficulities, something missing
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