Thursday, July 9th, 2009
You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com
From what I’ve read thus far, the Steve McNair-Sahel Kazemi story is a prime example of “The Mammalian Way” instincts gone haywire. The problem is it is very unlikely that either Steve McNair or Sahel Kazemi were even slightly aware that “The Mammalian Way” instincts might be working against them. And now they never will.
If either of them would have had just a general understanding of how the mammalian way instincts operate it is possible they could have resolved their issues instead of how they exploded in their lives.
“The Mammalian Way” instincts are in part elaborate psychological defense mechanisms that can manifest in someone’s life to protect them in a situation where their environment is perceived to be imperfectly safe.
Men and women instinctively react to these various environments quite differently and unless you are aware of how to read it (which is a relatively simple thing to do) it can cause an implosion of the psychological mechanism and that can lead to extreme volatile behavior.
In their case, evidently, a man’s honor was dissed or even double dissed (See “The Mammalian Way” for an explanation of double dis) and he became defensive. This reaction created a sense of insecurity in the woman that likely reached both poles of her insecurity pendulum swing. (See “The Mammalian Way” for an understanding of “The Pendulum swing of Insecurity”.)
This can often become a closed trap, or cycle of behavior but instead of the two defense mechanisms working in concert (i.e., for the benefit of the relationship) it can work against a relationship by perpetually escalating the negative aspects of human mammalian behavior. I have seen this phenomena occur in relationships many times.
And this can lead to violence such as the apparent murder-suicide of the pair.
My book “The Mammalian Way” is an interesting read. The information conveyed is greatly needed by professionals and everyday folk alike, who engage in any type of relationship. It can help perfect’ relationships you forge and they can help you survive “day to day” living in an imperfectly safe world.
My prayers go out to the Mcnair and Kazemi families.
I do not encourage comments here. If you have input or questions you can email me, firstname.lastname@example.org I am the only one who reads that mail.
Copyright © Gary James 2009 all rights reserved.
Sunday, December 21st, 2008
You are at www.garyjamesblogs.com
….An empowered woman in that psychological state will bend over, bow down, and do nearly anything her man asks so long as she sees him in the light of power…..
Most women have no idea what they want. However, they do know what they like and respond accordingly when or after they see or experience something that becomes to them what women say they want. You may think this to be merely a sweeping personal opinion. However, as an author and councilor I have used this concept to help many men & women resolve various relationships problems, to avoid other issues in their lives, and make a nice living at it.
My success in helping people in part is because I see clearly the correlation between how empowered a woman is (or claims to be) that coincides with an increased sense of insecurity as extremely predictable. And what this points to is, at least one of the by-products of women’s empowerment. The more empowered she is the more insecure she is….and it’s instinctive. For many women this plain understanding alone has been therapeutic.
I was introduced to the concept of women who become empowered also becoming more insecure as a correlation by a woman who was also my very first serious love affair, her name was Vee.
Vee was an early version of an empowered woman in that by age 21 she had decidedly asserted that she did not need a man to survive. And Vee was right. Yet, by about 30 days into our love affair despite the fact I was 16 years old, Vee had virtually handed me the reigns to take the lead in our relationship.
So long as I remained a worthy leader in her eyes she willingly granted me authority over her. And I saw in her eyes the relief it was for her to follow my lead. (By the way, this action she took also motivated me to become a better man and so for the time we were together our relationship worked.) In time Vee admitted she was more comfortable with me in the lead of the relationship rather than her being the responsible one. And yet Vee was empowered.
Since Vee I have seen this same correlation between an empowered woman and her sense of insecurity in very many women. And to this day I am astounded by how quickly women respond to a man’s power, especially if it’s in the form of his command presence.
An empowered woman in that psychological state will bend over, bow down, and do nearly anything her man asks so long as she sees him in the light of power. Yet, women will rarely ever admit to such vulnerability. And as odd as it may seem, the more empowered a woman is the easier it is for a man to achieve a position of authority in her life.
Why is this so? Because, instinctively, women pick men…Men do not pick women. And in doing so it prompts the natural female mammalian instincts to choose a male then submit to his authority. Which means, women’s empowerment, although a good thing, works against the grain of a woman’s natural physiological instincts….It reinforces her constant inner conflict and the something missing that most women express they feel about their lives.
If you want to know more about how this works read my book titled, “Love Du Jour: Learn to Date, Mate, and Communicate with the Opposite Sex in the Era of Empowered Women”.
Also, I have an internet radio show www.garyjamesradioshow.com and email email@example.com
© Copyright Gary James 2008 all rights reserved.
Saturday, December 20th, 2008
You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com
When I first told her about the psychological theories I discovered and how they relate to other than personal relationships difficulties, she volunteered information to the effect of, “There is something missing and it’s not merely to deal with an insecure husband.” She said, “It’s something inside, like a gnawing”.
I have many women friends, acquaintances, and lovers who “want it all” and then go out and get it! Yet all of these beautiful empowered women admit, “There’s still something missing”. And each of them I have talked with about the something missing also adds, “And I’m not alone”.
One friend (and former lover) in particular who has plenty of what I call zeal for life, met a man, got married, and raised a beautiful child. She started a business that grew and became successful enough that she now owns a home and a vacation-get away condo, two late model vehicles, private school for her child, and enough free time that she can call her own in order to escape so as to not go crazy when her husband who constantly quizzes her about where she spends her free time as if to say, “honey, I love you but I do not trust you and I’m intimidated by your success”. Got the picture?
When I first told her about the psychological theories I discovered and how they relate to other than personal relationships difficulties, she volunteered information to the effect of, “There is something missing and it’s not merely to deal with an insecure husband.” She said, “It’s something inside, like a gnawing”. YEP!
My friend is the classic example of empowered women syndrome. And it’s nothing more than one of the theories I uncovered that manifests as a deep psychological defense mechanism against a woman’s polarized sense of insecurity.
I say polarized because there are two basic needs for security that women continually contend with and the two are in constant conflict. Each need is instinctive and they tend to operate as a mutually exclusive function. And it is this function that lay at the heart of the “inner gnawing”.
Meanwhile, in following my research I now conclude that if one polarized need is being satisfied to the point where the psychological “gnawing” subsides it is typically at the expense of suppressing or otherwise ignoring the other need, where the “gnawing” persists.
A prime example of how one aspect of this something missing scenario has been exploited can be seen in the advertising industry. Quite often advertisers will aim ads, products, and services at the evident conflict between women’s rational and irrational selves. I am sure this approach works well to move merchandise but it is psychological surface water compared to the deep seated ocean of need a woman has for security that keeps her searching for the “something missing” that often seems to be just out of reach.
Is there a more affirmative answer? Yes. Read “Love Du Jour! Learn How to Date, Mate, and Communicate with the Opposite Sex in the Era of Empowered Women.”
Copyright © Gary James 2008 all rights reserved