Friday, June 12th, 2009
You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com
…. She shook her head no, started to cry and said to me, “No I don’t (Have an interest in him). The one and only time sex happened we were drunk. He came on to me. I was so very, very lonely and he knew it”….
So there I was sitting at the bar, drinking merlot, and minding my own business. Although I am not too regular a customer at this particular bar both female bartenders were friendly to me, they knew my name and the fact I was writing “some sort of book on relationships”.
Then, in walks a woman about thirty something, wearing nice jeans and a sweater. The only bar chair available was beside me and so she sat down. As she settled into the chair I did what I typically do in such situations,…..nothing. I did not speak with her. I did not look at her, not even a glance, because I know the mammalian rule; Women pick men, men do not pick women”.
Meanwhile, she (who for the purpose of this blog I will call “Wine Woman” or “WW”.) looked directly at my glass of red wine, pointed her finger at it and with exertion in her voice she asked, “What kind of wine is that”?
I looked at her and waited until she looked at me in the eye. Then I reached my hand over as an offer to shake hers and said, “My name is Gary, what’s yours”? She hesitated a moment but then reached out her hand, shook mine, and said, “WW”, then she looked back at my glass.
I said, “I’m drinking Merlot, do you want one”? With a hesitant voice she said “sure” but then said, “this is odd. I was in here two days ago and they said they did not sell room temperature wine”.
I smiled and asked, “Did you speak with a male bar tender named Blank”? She nodded yes. Then I laughed and said, “Blank does not know that the owners keep a private stash for me under the bar”.
Just then WW’s glass of merlot arrived. We tinged our glasses, took a sip and then she said, “This is very good. How do you rate your own stash”? I said, “I don’t think I rate. I just asked if they would order special for me and they said yes”.
From there the conversation stayed on wine for a while and eventually we exchanged phone numbers and made a date for a couple days later.
The date was pretty much dinner, wine, and then a choice between a movie (boring) or the bedroom. I am glad WW chose the bedroom because by the end of that date I realized we have two solid things in common; Red wine and Carnal knowledge. Oh yea!
The story does not end here although I digress a moment to verify that when two people meet and they simply allow the “Mammalian Way” of things to naturally unfold, most often each human will achieve a positive benefit from the encounter.
However, many times what seems to be all Blue Sky’s and such sometimes is lined with a cloud or two just over the horizon.
WW has a daughter (I will call Grad) who graduated high school in 2009. I found out that Grad has never met her father and when I met her for the first time a few months before graduation she seemed to be a bit estranged from her mother WW. I could tell their was an ever so slight estrangement between them the moment I saw the two of them together.
And,…just like you might be thinking right now, I assumed the strain between mother and daughter was based upon Grad not knowing her father. Well maybe that’s true. However, between the time I met Grad and the time WW and I mutually decided that our relationship would for now consist of, “Please, let me call you when I need to have a little fun”, WW told me that in a “weak moment” she had, “Slept with her daughter’s boyfriend”!
When I heard that my immediate reaction was to look around the room and say, “I’ve always wanted to meet Jerry Springer. This is as good a time as any”. What actually shocked WW was the fact I was not shocked by what she told me. Instead I said, “Now it all adds up…the slight estrangement I detected between you and Grad”. (FYI, Grad is 20, her boyfriend is 28, WW is 36.)
As this small revelation about WW’s life ensued she volunteered to me, “Gary I wish I could take it back. I wish I would have lied to Grad”. Then I chimed in, “No Way! Lying would have made it worse for Grad and for you in the long run. You did the right thing by telling the truth”. (I am positive I said the right thing in this case because in the time I got to know them I could “see” they were each trying to mend their mother-daughter relationship.)
But then I said, “I assume you have no interest in him”? WW shook her head no, started to cry and said, “No I don’t. The one and only time sex happened we were drunk. He came on to me. I was so very, very lonely and he knew it”. [Folks, WW’s statements here outline a classic case of people caving in to mammalian forces in order for a female human to contend with the “Pendulum Swing of Insecurity” and a male human to contend with “Perversions of Honor”. (For more information on those terms you need to read my book)]
Meanwhile, the final question I posed to WW on that subject was, “What does Grad still see in him”? All that WW said back was, “Dick”. And that’s another blog.
I do not encourage comments here. If you wish you may email me gary.jms1@gmail.com I am the only one who reads mail sent there.
Copyright (C) Gary James 2009 all rights reserved
Technorati Tags: blog, carnal, female, Gary, human, james, jerry springer, knowledge, male, mammal, mammalian, men, merlot, pendulum swing of insecurity, Perversions of Honor, relationships, sex, way, wine, women
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Sunday, May 24th, 2009
You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com
….Learn to read women like a book. It’s never been easier once you know what to look for…. Do you think I’m full of condensed Horse Crap!? Let me tell you, during the process to get my research into readable form and into practice, there were many times that I sure did……
Why me? I have been asked that question in one way or another by several people since the day I began to put forth the prospect that I had assembled new and useful psychological information in the form of elaborate & instinctive defense mechanisms made manifest as a result of human experience with current society & cultures earth wide.
Nearly anyone you speak with demonstrates a sense that something has changed about the nature of how people interact with each other. That’s not new.
It’s the fact that there is a distinct pattern to how humans act and react to each other in an ever increasing unsafe environment that allows for relative predictable behavior patterns that emerge as elaborate defense mechanisms (one for men, one for women) that tend to control behavior regardless of culture, age, social status, wealth, or the likes. This is what I have seen develop over nearly 35 years of research and study, and I’ve assembled my findings into at least one book.
Meanwhile, the main variable in my research seems to be the difference in how the gender’s act & react to each other…especially where sex can become a factor.
But wait! I am ahead of myself. Like a guide who knows that once you take the journey with me, a journey to the center of yourself perhaps, where much will be revealed to you about Y-O-U as well as others (and especially the opposite sex) it will serve you as a method or tool to recalibrate your own understanding of many everyday social norms that most people now think they already understand. And as long as people continue to assess their everyday social life using an incomplete if not an antiquated paradigm, you can expect an increase in the pain that current day humans often experience as they pass in and out of one relationship (biz or personal) after another.
But Wait! What about me? Why does Gary James get to share this more complete everyday social paradigm with the world?
In a world that produced Sigmund Freud, Carl Rodgers, B.F. Skinner, Jean Piaget, and yes even Dr. Phil, why amongst these pillars of the social sciences as well as the thousands of learned professionals from psychiatrists to social workers, why did I see the big picture before those who came before me.
Couple my rudimentary formal education in psychology and sociology with an aptitude and a voracious appetite to see the bottom line as well as the big picture of things in my life, along with a chance meeting and a couple other life’s choices I made, as an aggregate they seemed to have put me in an unusual if not a unique position where I was able to fetter out the facts related to two new theories in the social sciences that are manifest as elaborate psychological defense mechanisms by which most humans instinctively use to cope with their everyday environment. Actions & events that people take for granted as being isolated or independent situations have simply not been identified as part of an overall instinctive operation to cope.
Then just like a CSI detective, I collected and followed the evidence for nearly 30 years and drew my conclusions objectively (despite being a sexually straight male human and stricken with the condition known as, “all thoughts pass through my penis prism first”) I was able to make genuine conclusions that fit all the facts.
Accurate as they may be I have assembled these facts and conclusions into theories and how to use them in your everyday life to make any of the relationships you engage in more perfect than they are now, and how to avoid or diminish the pain you often experience while in a relationship, into a book titled, “The Mammalian Way” The book is an easy read and chock full of examples put in terms of sexuality, sexual behavior, and other humorous (anecdotes). You know….the sultry stuff of life. The stuff that’s interesting to read.
The book also sheds light on such questions as,
“Why do married people really cheat”? And how to avoid this from happening to you.
“Why do good girls like bad boys”? And how to have this knowledge work for you in a relationship.
“Why do men seem to only want one thing”? Learn to discern how men really react to women and what they really want.
“Why are women supposedly so unpredictable?” Learn to read women like a book. It’s never been easier once you know what to look for.
Do you think I’m full of condensed Horse Crap!? Let me tell you, during the process to get my research into readable form and into practice, there were many times I sure did.
However, as the bigger picture of human behavior unfolded in front of me and I put into practice the conclusions from the facts, it made my life and the lives of many other people happier and it helped to make people’s everyday relationships more perfect.
So visit back to my blog often and stay abreast of the new material I share. Also be on the look out for the release of the book titled, “The Mammalian Way”.
I do not encourage comments here. If you wish you may email me gary.jms1@gmail.com I am the only one who reads mail sent there. Best to you,
Copyright (c) Gary James 2009 all rights reserved.
Technorati Tags: book, cheaters, culture, Gary James, men, psychology, relationships, secrets, sex, Social Theorist, society, sociology, women
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Thursday, May 14th, 2009
You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com
…. Ladies please understand, The brick line is a universal line and will work on any guy, earth wide, between the ages of 12 to 92, whether he’s a buff jock or a pencil necked Geek. It does not matter!….
This repeating segment to my blog will give you the chance to ask me questions that I will provide answers for as well as useful information to help with everyday issues that can arise within most personal or professional relationships. This segment will also give you a chance to vent your emotions or confess your actions if you wish with complete anonymity. Feel free to use me as your sounding board. Especially if there is something stressful on your mind or if the information is juicy enough that you just need to get out.
I recently received a question. The asker, a woman who I will call “Julie”, wishes to remain anonymous. And so it will be. And the question is,
“Why would a guy that shows signs that he likes you suddenly start acting like a jerk”?
This was the entire question. It is a normal one that women often ask me.
Answer: Even though the question is a bit general, my first thought on this is to ask “Julie” if the guy who has shown interest in you has read any dating books? I ask this because one of the things that most dating books teach guys to do is, “Act like a jerk around a woman he’s interested in” because this is the way to win over a woman’s amorous charms.
The fact is every once in awhile, that blind advice by dating authors is correct. I say blind advice because most dating book authors admit they do not really know why in certain situations a guy acting like a jerk will increase a woman’s interest in the him.
I am also quite certain that this is because most personal relationship advisors that includes dating book authors, have never been introduced to the greater understanding of the instinctive behavior that is at the core of why such a ridiculous maneuver as acting like a jerk around a woman that a man is interested in even works once in awhile in the first place.
However, once you do understand the bigger picture (which you can learn from me of course) you will very quickly see that there are far better ways to reach for a woman’s attention.
In the situation with my anonymous reader Julie I do not know if she likes the guy who is acting like a jerk or if his jerkiness has actually raised her interest in him.
If Julie could have given me a few more details I might be able to provide you with even deeper insight. Meanwhile Julie, if you like the guy I have a generic suggestion that you might try.
Approach him with a compliment unrelated to the jerkiness such as, “Excuse me Guy, I’ve been meaning to ask you a question.” Then touch him gently on the arm where the Tri & Bicep connect to the shoulder then ask, “I was wondering, are you carrying bricks under that shirt”?
Now Julie,…. I know what you’re thinking…… “How am I going to ask a man I barely know such a question AND keep a straight face too”? Or something like that, right? …..Julie….please understand, The brick line is a universal line and will work on any guy, earth wide, between the ages of 12 to 92, whether he’s a buff jock or a pencil necked Geek. It does not matter! (LADIES: FYI, in my up coming book, “The Perfect Relationship” I explain why such a line works so well. Most people initially see it as, “feeding his ego”. NOPE! That’s not it. Ego is a mere surface issue with guys,…like a little dirt on your Jimmy Choos! The “brick” line plays into something much, much deeper in a man.)
Meanwhile, you can ignore my suggestion if you like,…. No problemo. However, if you can pull off that question with a straight face and a sincere voice intonation it can facilitate quite a number of things all at once. 1) Guy’s jerkiness will immediately be at least temporarily reduced to near zero. 2) That line will likely begin a conversation between the two of you. Whereby, he speaks directly with you as opposed to speaking with your breasts, for example. 3) It could very well seed the establishing of you as Queen Bee in his love life, so long as that is what you want.
If he turns out to be more of a keeper than a loser, then you can bother to address the jerkiness thing some time later. You can always write me and I will help you.
Also, please keep on the watch for the release of my book, “The Perfect Relationship, Secrets of How to Find, Build, and Keep it”!
Until then you can learn more about the bigger picture of instinctive human behavior in all personal or business relationships by reading this blog. It will give you a “Leg up on the Bunny” of everyday life.
Best to you,
Copyright Gary James ã 2009 all rights reserved.
Technorati Tags: anonymous, dating, ego, jerk, Jimmy Choos, love, male, men, perfect, personal, professional, relationships, women
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Wednesday, April 15th, 2009
You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com
….Her whispers like, “Oh my dear, you’re really strong down there tonight”! and, “I’m lovin your lovin my lover” are just two of the casual comments my girlfriend made during sex….
The penis enhancement pills I recommend are put through constant research and testing. The objective is to provide men with the most successful fast acting blend of all natural ingredients.
Men who use the brand I recommend report an over all improved sex life as well as improved confidence with women, and self confidence in general.
The key to the efficacy of the natural ingredients working for men’s penis enhancement is to use the highest grade possible of the amino acid L-Arginine. Encapsulated with this are a number of herbal variations that have been proven in clinical trials to:
Increase blood flow to the penis,
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The reports men give often spill over into all areas of men’s lives including: sex, relationships, work, and even sports. These are all important elements that can affect a man’s quality of life and the reason why I recommend the brand I do.
[Plus, my girl friend is the one who noticed the actual physiological changes in my sexuality. We were NOT having problems and she did not know I was experimenting with various natural penis enhancement brands because of blog posts I wanted to write. Her whispers like, “Oh my dear, you’re really strong down there tonight”! and, “I’m lovin your lovin my lover” are just two of the casual comments my girlfriend made to me during what started out as routine sex, but morphed into a sexathon where both of us ended up strewn out naked all over the living room sweaty and spent.]
Talk about improved personal relationships, visit www.garyjamesblogs.com for the complete story about the number one natural male enhancement experience. Meanwhile,
Confidence in those areas of a man’s life is also the main characteristic that 9 out of 10 women find sexiest in a man. Women are instinctively drawn to such a man. It’s what motivates a woman to come to you and to want to be with you. And that’s before she gets a load of your enhanced sexuality.
Do you want to experience an incredible sex life? Do you want your lover to honor you with her focused stare at you like you were the only man on earth? Then click here now to begin the system guaranteed to work! Improve your overall sexual stamina and Live Well!
Copyright © Gary James 2009 all rights reserved.
Technorati Tags: enhancement, erection, life, love, male, men, natural, penis, personal, relationship, sex, women
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Saturday, April 4th, 2009
You are at www.garyjamesblogs.com
….there are a couple of very powerful instinctive forces at work as the root cause for the insecure behavior in women. 1) Men instinctively see women as sex objects first and foremost. 2) Women are instinctively grossly insecure. And when these two instincts collide,….
For decades, from a Social Theorist’s perspective I’ve listened to women lament about their supposed “Lot in Life”. A lot that set off the “Women’s Empowerment Movement” as it were. Meanwhile,
Most recently I saw a small group of women on a morning TV news show in discussion of the question, “why after years of struggle, are women (especially young women) as a group or individuals no closer to achieving the confidence and self esteem” that men seem to possess. Not that they compared their selves to men, but they were talking about how despite years of effort, according to a poll taken, their daughters have little or no self esteem once they get past puberty.
The results of the poll they mentioned did not surprise me at all. However, as the women’s discussion became stymied over the question “what can be done about it” I could not help but smile because I pretty much know why women face the issue of low self esteem.
The fact comes down to one thing: Women’s gross sense of insecurity (the actual root cause of the low self esteem) is an instinctive-physiological fact of being born a human female. Yes, women’s insecurity is as instinctive as knowing when they are hungry or thirsty. [This concept is a part of the theories I write about in my book titled, “In Search of the Perfect Relationship”].
This instinctive insecurity can manifest over a woman’s life time in various forms. The one form that came up in the TV discussion as an example is what I refer to as, “Women’s pecking order” that begins with, “The Alpha Female”.
Whereby, as though it were a fulfillment of their insecurity drive (or even a perverse way to satiate the need) women instinctively and continually compare themselves to Alpha Females a/k/a the 10.
And it’s easy to spot, just look at the front cover of women’s magazines. The Alpha female’s (10) look is conveyed to the readers as the standard. Even though women as a movement currently seem to have a push toward a “down play” of women comparing themselves to super models and others who’s physical look find their way to the cover of magazines, the fact is, all women have the propensity to compare them selves to the illusion of the Alpha Female, an illusion that men fall for nearly all the time.
The thing I find interesting is, if women were to succeed in convincing magazine editors to dispense with the touched up photos of a beautiful women who does not seem to need touched up for the front cover, in order to induce a woman to purchase the magazine, what indeed would they replace it with?
I have no doubt women can find something other than an Alpha Female to put on a cover (Oprah Winfrey’s magazine “O” for example) but, if all magazine’s were to follow that lead it would leave a void as well as a wide open market for financial success to anyone who was willing to simply follow the bottom line of the way things are (and perhaps have always been). Namely, “Sex sells” and use it to sell magazines. The point I make here is actually mute because the magazines that use beautiful female models on the front cover to sell magazines to WOMEN is prolific to say the least.
For example, a touched up photo of an Alpha female on the cover of a magazine such as “Cosmopolitan” exudes sex appeal, and I doubt you will see Cosmo change that approach any time soon because the Cosmo editors know that selling the illusion in order to sell magazines works…..all the time! The fact that it’s motivated by a woman’s primal instinct of insecurity is of little relevance.
Bear in mind, the readership of Cosmopolitan et al., is also far more women than men. In other words women’s instinctive insecurity runs deep enough that women literally dress up for other women! The attraction in doing so is a very subtle intimidation of the “other than Alpha Women” to comply with the dress code and over all Look of the Alpha female (the cover girl)
Meanwhile, there are a couple of very powerful instinctive forces at work as the root cause for the insecure behavior in women. 1) Men instinctively see women as sex objects first and foremost. 2) Women are instinctively grossly insecure. And when these two instincts collide, women for example intuitively know these 2 facts all too well and so in order to achieve esteem (by virtue of men looking at them) they “sexify” their Look to not only attract men’s eyes but they also attract women’s eyes in the form of envy & vanity….and it all emanates from instincts.
Also, in addition to the instinctive issue for women to always try to match the physical beauty of a cover girl Look there is a powerful emotional force that reinforces the insecurity drive and that is the fact that physical beauty in and of itself is fleeting which adds to the over all insecurity that women feel about their looks and this also translates into a woman’s innate feeling of low self esteem.
I realize that my perspectives and theories do not always sit well with women’s empowerment as a movement, at least initially. Women often deny the fact that their insecure behavior is instinctive as opposed to learned. Most women I have spoken with who challenge my perspective often site the numbers of women involved as a movement, meant as though if all women fought against the instinctive behavior, that this alone would serve to institute real change. The issue is, when a force is instinctive you can’t fight it with learned behavior. Nature will win out every time. On the other hand when a woman reads my copy and reasons it out is when real change becomes possible. Or so I’ve been told, and it’s also what I’ve observed statistically in women’s behavior.
Given what I know about human behavior and the theories I’ve written, I predict that so long as women work toward and try to change the behavior of women against their own instincts it will be as valuable to women as is spitting into the wind.
So, will women ever become truly empowered on a personal level? Not so long as they fight against their own instincts.
However, the question that does remain is, “what do women do to improve their sense of self esteem” knowing their behavior insecurity issue is instinctive? There is an answer to that question but that’s another blog.
Copyright © Gary James 2009 all rights reserved
Technorati Tags: culture, empowerment, esteem, insecurity, men, objects, personal, relationships, self, sex, Social, theorist, women
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