Wednesday, June 24th, 2009
You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com
….the theories indirectly pose very definite answers to many of the more pervasive questions that have become a part of human culture. Questions such as, “Why do good girls like bad boys”? “Why do Men only seem to want one thing”? “Why are Women so difficult to figure out”? and more….
Professionally, my background is production. (TV, film, standard grass roots stuff, etc) Whatever legitimate way I could pay the bills.
Along that journey I discovered I had an ability to write and share useful information about relationships. (A spin off from a wider endeavor called Social Theory)
This has spawned from me a book that literally adds two new workable theories to the big picture paradigm in the social sciences. I discovered that humans have instinctively developed over a long period of time two elaborate psychological defense mechanisms (one for women, one for men) that help us to contend with moment to moment survival amongst one another who have no choice but to live in an imperfectly safe world (environment). The issue is, our instinctive behavior now runs a constant collision course with our learned behavior. It’s an earth wide issue and over the last few decades at least it has brought the human condition face to face with it’s own existence.
The question can be asked then, is there hope for humans? I say yes, absolutely. It just takes a little understanding of what we often take for granted (our behavior) and a little application of that understanding to make our lives, and especially our relationships with others more perfect under the circumstances we each face day to day.
On a lighter note, the interesting part (and why the book is worth the resources spent to read it) is the theories indirectly pose very definite answers to many of the open ended and more pervasive questions that have become a part of human culture. Questions such as, “Why do good girls like bad boys”? “Why do Men only seem to want one thing”? “Why are Women so difficult to figure out”? and more.
OR, TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY,
Application of the information shared in the book, “The Mammalian Way” will help to take away the pain or potential pain often associated with personal relationships and brought about because we are conditioned by our own society’s socialization process to “MISREAD” the actions and reactions of people’s instinctive behavior and especially the behavior of the opposite sex. Still, this book is not necessarily for everyone.
However, it is:
FOR ANYONE WHO FEELS LIKE THEY ALWAYS SEEM TO ATTRACT THE ATTENTION OF THE PEOPLE WHO ARE JUST “WRONG” FOR THEM!
For women who feel they needed to “decide” between marrying safe and the Za za Zoom of love.
For men who get their heart broken every time they get into a relationship…and they have no idea the real reason(s) why?
For anyone who has come home to find an empty house or apartment because their “Love” interest has left them and can never provide a tangible explanation as to why?
For anyone who has heard the words, “I just don’t love you any more” spoken from the one who was supposed to be their “soul mate”.
For people who wish to avoid the “control freak” “Fatal Attraction” syndrome in relationships.
For people who are in a long term relationship and the “Za Za ZOOM” feeling that made it worth while in the first place has somehow evaporated.
For people who were burned in relationships to the point they now think that relationships, just like love….stinks!
For men who think that to approach women using the age old “numbers Game”, i.e., the more women you directly approach the greater the probability of meeting a woman willing to go out with you….is still the way to meet women….
For women who know, “Men only want one thing”, but can’t figure out much of anything else about men beyond that (and often do not admit it).
For women who constantly fake orgasm to keep him happy then masturbate for sexual release.
For women who “turned” gay or Bi in order to achieve true intimacy in the physical aspects of a relationship.
For men who think that they are the ones who “pick up women”.
For men who are phobic enough to not engage in conversations with women about subjects such as the Vagina, etc.
For men who are phobic enough about their manhood that they will not take the lead in a relationship with a woman. (For men who do not know enough or even how to take the lead in a relationship in the first place.)
For anyone who has cheated or been cheated on and wants to change that behavior.
For women and for men who truly want a relationship as perfect as possible.
For anyone who has been in or does not want to be in an abusive relationship.
For anyone who wants to improve their love (includes sex) life
For men who have never had “A” grade sex in their life (and probably does not even know what that means).
For anyone who loves “Love & Romance” but is afraid to trust it.
For anyone who materially “has it all” (house, business, condo at the beach, plenty money, trophy spouse, cars, etc) but senses that there is still something missing from your life….Something that you can’t quite put your finger on (pin point).
For anyone who wants their sex life to be fun and therapeutic.
For anyone who relates to what is conveyed here but has not read one specific to you.
Plus, as you learn to see and to utilize your new understanding of the Mammalian Way people become more predictable and tolerable because you will possess a more complete paradigm of “WHY” people behave the way they do, even when they don’t. Especially when that behavior runs contrary to what the social norms and mores of our culture might dictate.
All & all, understanding the Mammalian Way will provide you with a more tangible sense of peace and harmony with yourself and with others…and a silent ability, uniquely human trait that can be used to keep your world a physical & emotionally safer place to live. This is because human instinctive behavior that make up the Mammalian Way is predictable.
I do not encourage comments here. If you wish you may email me email@example.com I am the only one who reads email sent there.
Copyright (c) Gary James 2009 all rights reserved
Friday, June 12th, 2009
You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com
…. She shook her head no, started to cry and said to me, “No I don’t (Have an interest in him). The one and only time sex happened we were drunk. He came on to me. I was so very, very lonely and he knew it”….
So there I was sitting at the bar, drinking merlot, and minding my own business. Although I am not too regular a customer at this particular bar both female bartenders were friendly to me, they knew my name and the fact I was writing “some sort of book on relationships”.
Then, in walks a woman about thirty something, wearing nice jeans and a sweater. The only bar chair available was beside me and so she sat down. As she settled into the chair I did what I typically do in such situations,…..nothing. I did not speak with her. I did not look at her, not even a glance, because I know the mammalian rule; Women pick men, men do not pick women”.
Meanwhile, she (who for the purpose of this blog I will call “Wine Woman” or “WW”.) looked directly at my glass of red wine, pointed her finger at it and with exertion in her voice she asked, “What kind of wine is that”?
I looked at her and waited until she looked at me in the eye. Then I reached my hand over as an offer to shake hers and said, “My name is Gary, what’s yours”? She hesitated a moment but then reached out her hand, shook mine, and said, “WW”, then she looked back at my glass.
I said, “I’m drinking Merlot, do you want one”? With a hesitant voice she said “sure” but then said, “this is odd. I was in here two days ago and they said they did not sell room temperature wine”.
I smiled and asked, “Did you speak with a male bar tender named Blank”? She nodded yes. Then I laughed and said, “Blank does not know that the owners keep a private stash for me under the bar”.
Just then WW’s glass of merlot arrived. We tinged our glasses, took a sip and then she said, “This is very good. How do you rate your own stash”? I said, “I don’t think I rate. I just asked if they would order special for me and they said yes”.
From there the conversation stayed on wine for a while and eventually we exchanged phone numbers and made a date for a couple days later.
The date was pretty much dinner, wine, and then a choice between a movie (boring) or the bedroom. I am glad WW chose the bedroom because by the end of that date I realized we have two solid things in common; Red wine and Carnal knowledge. Oh yea!
The story does not end here although I digress a moment to verify that when two people meet and they simply allow the “Mammalian Way” of things to naturally unfold, most often each human will achieve a positive benefit from the encounter.
However, many times what seems to be all Blue Sky’s and such sometimes is lined with a cloud or two just over the horizon.
WW has a daughter (I will call Grad) who graduated high school in 2009. I found out that Grad has never met her father and when I met her for the first time a few months before graduation she seemed to be a bit estranged from her mother WW. I could tell their was an ever so slight estrangement between them the moment I saw the two of them together.
And,…just like you might be thinking right now, I assumed the strain between mother and daughter was based upon Grad not knowing her father. Well maybe that’s true. However, between the time I met Grad and the time WW and I mutually decided that our relationship would for now consist of, “Please, let me call you when I need to have a little fun”, WW told me that in a “weak moment” she had, “Slept with her daughter’s boyfriend”!
When I heard that my immediate reaction was to look around the room and say, “I’ve always wanted to meet Jerry Springer. This is as good a time as any”. What actually shocked WW was the fact I was not shocked by what she told me. Instead I said, “Now it all adds up…the slight estrangement I detected between you and Grad”. (FYI, Grad is 20, her boyfriend is 28, WW is 36.)
As this small revelation about WW’s life ensued she volunteered to me, “Gary I wish I could take it back. I wish I would have lied to Grad”. Then I chimed in, “No Way! Lying would have made it worse for Grad and for you in the long run. You did the right thing by telling the truth”. (I am positive I said the right thing in this case because in the time I got to know them I could “see” they were each trying to mend their mother-daughter relationship.)
But then I said, “I assume you have no interest in him”? WW shook her head no, started to cry and said, “No I don’t. The one and only time sex happened we were drunk. He came on to me. I was so very, very lonely and he knew it”. [Folks, WW’s statements here outline a classic case of people caving in to mammalian forces in order for a female human to contend with the “Pendulum Swing of Insecurity” and a male human to contend with “Perversions of Honor”. (For more information on those terms you need to read my book)]
Meanwhile, the final question I posed to WW on that subject was, “What does Grad still see in him”? All that WW said back was, “Dick”. And that’s another blog.
I do not encourage comments here. If you wish you may email me firstname.lastname@example.org I am the only one who reads mail sent there.
Copyright (C) Gary James 2009 all rights reserved
Saturday, May 2nd, 2009
You are at www.garyjamesblogs.com
….Boys indeed have their issues with puberty too. However, the girl’s issue with puberty manifests as tremendous insecurity in what seems to be countless forms that never seems to cease until death….
Honey I Love You. You’re Perfect. Now Change! This is the title of a stage play I saw advertised on TV. I have not seen the play but whoever titled it also had at least an intuition into one of the biggest issues women in our culture face, namely, insecurity or rather, low esteem, and how to deal with it.
It’s still considered a phenomenon amongst many social scientists because the fact is regardless of how parents bring up their daughter’s, right around the age of puberty all girl’s self esteem seems to plummet like the stock market in the fall of 2008. It simply evaporates.
This makes perfect sense to me because puberty is when the hormone flow helps to kick in some of the instinctive behavior that is related to all mammals. In particular I’m talking about childbirth.
Granted, in our society twelve years old girls giving birth is quite the No-No. But that’s not how it works at the mammalian level of life. And I predict that in a perfectly safe world a young woman’s self esteem at puberty would be a non-issue because it would not “TANK”.
However, since we obviously live in an imperfectly safe world the elders of the community do whatever they can do to dissuade sexual activity at such a young age for girls or boys.
Boys indeed have their issues with puberty too. However, the girl’s issue with puberty manifests as tremendous insecurity in what seems to be countless forms that never seems to cease until death.
To combat this, current day experts in child rearing suggest trying numerous things such as, to encourage young girls to assert themselves as much as possible from extra curricular activities at school to being all that they can be in virtually anything else they encounter in life in order to prop up and hopefully inculcate self esteem into each young woman. That’s great, but the problem is, these methods do not seem to be working.
Meanwhile, the mammalian pressure from the primal lands located deep within each woman, are hard at work driving her to engage in the one thing she was born to do. That is, pick the best male of her species she can find, mate with him, and perpetuate the species! And even though that’s a fact Jack does that end the story?
Nope. Not by a long shot because we humans possess one thing unique to our species and something no other mammal faces, and that is, the power of reason a/k/a cognitive development. And if we are to believe our developmental psychologists then we need to accept as fact that our cognitive development does not reach maturity until around the age of 25.
Again, for human males, how they deal with such a dichotomy is an issue and it is different than girls and it is the subject for another blog. For women, the fact that their mammalian self tells them to mate at 12 but their over all ability to choose a mate for life does not completely develop until age 25, and couple this with the fact we live in an imperfectly safe world it is truly a wonder why women are not completely insane with insecurity. Or are they?
This still leaves the question “What to do about it”? Admittedly, there are more aspects to this subject than I’ve put in this blog. Please keep on the look out for the release of my book titled, “The Perfect Relationship: How to Find, Build, and Keep it”. In the book many questions like the one put forth here get answered.
OR, if you wish email me and I will put that email on a list to contact when the book gets released. email@example.com is my email. I am the only one who reads email sent there and I promise to keep your ID anonymous.
Copyright Gary Jamesã 2009 all rights reserved