Friday, June 12th, 2009
You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com
…. She shook her head no, started to cry and said to me, “No I don’t (Have an interest in him). The one and only time sex happened we were drunk. He came on to me. I was so very, very lonely and he knew it”….
So there I was sitting at the bar, drinking merlot, and minding my own business. Although I am not too regular a customer at this particular bar both female bartenders were friendly to me, they knew my name and the fact I was writing “some sort of book on relationships”.
Then, in walks a woman about thirty something, wearing nice jeans and a sweater. The only bar chair available was beside me and so she sat down. As she settled into the chair I did what I typically do in such situations,…..nothing. I did not speak with her. I did not look at her, not even a glance, because I know the mammalian rule; Women pick men, men do not pick women”.
Meanwhile, she (who for the purpose of this blog I will call “Wine Woman” or “WW”.) looked directly at my glass of red wine, pointed her finger at it and with exertion in her voice she asked, “What kind of wine is that”?
I looked at her and waited until she looked at me in the eye. Then I reached my hand over as an offer to shake hers and said, “My name is Gary, what’s yours”? She hesitated a moment but then reached out her hand, shook mine, and said, “WW”, then she looked back at my glass.
I said, “I’m drinking Merlot, do you want one”? With a hesitant voice she said “sure” but then said, “this is odd. I was in here two days ago and they said they did not sell room temperature wine”.
I smiled and asked, “Did you speak with a male bar tender named Blank”? She nodded yes. Then I laughed and said, “Blank does not know that the owners keep a private stash for me under the bar”.
Just then WW’s glass of merlot arrived. We tinged our glasses, took a sip and then she said, “This is very good. How do you rate your own stash”? I said, “I don’t think I rate. I just asked if they would order special for me and they said yes”.
From there the conversation stayed on wine for a while and eventually we exchanged phone numbers and made a date for a couple days later.
The date was pretty much dinner, wine, and then a choice between a movie (boring) or the bedroom. I am glad WW chose the bedroom because by the end of that date I realized we have two solid things in common; Red wine and Carnal knowledge. Oh yea!
The story does not end here although I digress a moment to verify that when two people meet and they simply allow the “Mammalian Way” of things to naturally unfold, most often each human will achieve a positive benefit from the encounter.
However, many times what seems to be all Blue Sky’s and such sometimes is lined with a cloud or two just over the horizon.
WW has a daughter (I will call Grad) who graduated high school in 2009. I found out that Grad has never met her father and when I met her for the first time a few months before graduation she seemed to be a bit estranged from her mother WW. I could tell their was an ever so slight estrangement between them the moment I saw the two of them together.
And,…just like you might be thinking right now, I assumed the strain between mother and daughter was based upon Grad not knowing her father. Well maybe that’s true. However, between the time I met Grad and the time WW and I mutually decided that our relationship would for now consist of, “Please, let me call you when I need to have a little fun”, WW told me that in a “weak moment” she had, “Slept with her daughter’s boyfriend”!
When I heard that my immediate reaction was to look around the room and say, “I’ve always wanted to meet Jerry Springer. This is as good a time as any”. What actually shocked WW was the fact I was not shocked by what she told me. Instead I said, “Now it all adds up…the slight estrangement I detected between you and Grad”. (FYI, Grad is 20, her boyfriend is 28, WW is 36.)
As this small revelation about WW’s life ensued she volunteered to me, “Gary I wish I could take it back. I wish I would have lied to Grad”. Then I chimed in, “No Way! Lying would have made it worse for Grad and for you in the long run. You did the right thing by telling the truth”. (I am positive I said the right thing in this case because in the time I got to know them I could “see” they were each trying to mend their mother-daughter relationship.)
But then I said, “I assume you have no interest in him”? WW shook her head no, started to cry and said, “No I don’t. The one and only time sex happened we were drunk. He came on to me. I was so very, very lonely and he knew it”. [Folks, WW’s statements here outline a classic case of people caving in to mammalian forces in order for a female human to contend with the “Pendulum Swing of Insecurity” and a male human to contend with “Perversions of Honor”. (For more information on those terms you need to read my book)]
Meanwhile, the final question I posed to WW on that subject was, “What does Grad still see in him”? All that WW said back was, “Dick”. And that’s another blog.
I do not encourage comments here. If you wish you may email me firstname.lastname@example.org I am the only one who reads mail sent there.
Copyright (C) Gary James 2009 all rights reserved
Thursday, May 14th, 2009
You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com
…. Ladies please understand, The brick line is a universal line and will work on any guy, earth wide, between the ages of 12 to 92, whether he’s a buff jock or a pencil necked Geek. It does not matter!….
This repeating segment to my blog will give you the chance to ask me questions that I will provide answers for as well as useful information to help with everyday issues that can arise within most personal or professional relationships. This segment will also give you a chance to vent your emotions or confess your actions if you wish with complete anonymity. Feel free to use me as your sounding board. Especially if there is something stressful on your mind or if the information is juicy enough that you just need to get out.
I recently received a question. The asker, a woman who I will call “Julie”, wishes to remain anonymous. And so it will be. And the question is,
“Why would a guy that shows signs that he likes you suddenly start acting like a jerk”?
This was the entire question. It is a normal one that women often ask me.
Answer: Even though the question is a bit general, my first thought on this is to ask “Julie” if the guy who has shown interest in you has read any dating books? I ask this because one of the things that most dating books teach guys to do is, “Act like a jerk around a woman he’s interested in” because this is the way to win over a woman’s amorous charms.
The fact is every once in awhile, that blind advice by dating authors is correct. I say blind advice because most dating book authors admit they do not really know why in certain situations a guy acting like a jerk will increase a woman’s interest in the him.
I am also quite certain that this is because most personal relationship advisors that includes dating book authors, have never been introduced to the greater understanding of the instinctive behavior that is at the core of why such a ridiculous maneuver as acting like a jerk around a woman that a man is interested in even works once in awhile in the first place.
However, once you do understand the bigger picture (which you can learn from me of course) you will very quickly see that there are far better ways to reach for a woman’s attention.
In the situation with my anonymous reader Julie I do not know if she likes the guy who is acting like a jerk or if his jerkiness has actually raised her interest in him.
If Julie could have given me a few more details I might be able to provide you with even deeper insight. Meanwhile Julie, if you like the guy I have a generic suggestion that you might try.
Approach him with a compliment unrelated to the jerkiness such as, “Excuse me Guy, I’ve been meaning to ask you a question.” Then touch him gently on the arm where the Tri & Bicep connect to the shoulder then ask, “I was wondering, are you carrying bricks under that shirt”?
Now Julie,…. I know what you’re thinking…… “How am I going to ask a man I barely know such a question AND keep a straight face too”? Or something like that, right? …..Julie….please understand, The brick line is a universal line and will work on any guy, earth wide, between the ages of 12 to 92, whether he’s a buff jock or a pencil necked Geek. It does not matter! (LADIES: FYI, in my up coming book, “The Perfect Relationship” I explain why such a line works so well. Most people initially see it as, “feeding his ego”. NOPE! That’s not it. Ego is a mere surface issue with guys,…like a little dirt on your Jimmy Choos! The “brick” line plays into something much, much deeper in a man.)
Meanwhile, you can ignore my suggestion if you like,…. No problemo. However, if you can pull off that question with a straight face and a sincere voice intonation it can facilitate quite a number of things all at once. 1) Guy’s jerkiness will immediately be at least temporarily reduced to near zero. 2) That line will likely begin a conversation between the two of you. Whereby, he speaks directly with you as opposed to speaking with your breasts, for example. 3) It could very well seed the establishing of you as Queen Bee in his love life, so long as that is what you want.
If he turns out to be more of a keeper than a loser, then you can bother to address the jerkiness thing some time later. You can always write me and I will help you.
Also, please keep on the watch for the release of my book, “The Perfect Relationship, Secrets of How to Find, Build, and Keep it”!
Until then you can learn more about the bigger picture of instinctive human behavior in all personal or business relationships by reading this blog. It will give you a “Leg up on the Bunny” of everyday life.
Best to you,
Copyright Gary James ã 2009 all rights reserved.
Wednesday, April 15th, 2009
You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com
….Her whispers like, “Oh my dear, you’re really strong down there tonight”! and, “I’m lovin your lovin my lover” are just two of the casual comments my girlfriend made during sex….
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Copyright © Gary James 2009 all rights reserved.