He’s moving too fast, he constantly talks about an ex, he’s reluctant to be seen with you in public. These are elements of a distinct pattern ofsocial behavior in relationships between men and womenthat could lead to the cognitive conclusion, HE’S NOT THE ONE”!….But, then again, these behavior patterns might mean that maybe he is. Why the conflict?
It’s because these behavior patterns in a man* could mean he’s on the rebound (and you’re the re-bounder, and that alone could be a good or bad thing.) Or, it could mean he’s cheating on someone and using you as the cheating device. OR, it could be perfectly normal behavior for him as a part of his process to become socialized into another or even a more committed relationship. (*The same behavior patterns in a woman, often means something entirely different.)
So if you are a woman and the evident love interest of a man with such a pattern of behavior and you’re trying your best to discernthe psychology of men or of women, does this mean you just shrug your shoulders, hope for the best and go along for the ride? Well, that is certainly one way to go. However, there is a much safer alternative.
Now days it is vital for someone who values their own heart & self esteem, who wants more pleasure and less pain out of everyday life, that they necessarily need to be able to drill down through the cognitive and be able to read a man or a woman’s instinctive behavior patterns known as, “The Mammalian Way”™.
From Sigmund Freud to Dr. Phil, most people who use psychology as a part of their career will tell you that instinctive behavior has a tendency to be at the root of what controls human behavior. “The Mammalian Way”™ points out how to discern such behavior and what it means from the gender specific perspective, especially when it comes to social behavior between men and women in relationships.
In other words, the information conveyed in the pages of, “The Mammalian Way”™ will provide women with a tool to really get a sense for if the one you’re with or the one you want to be with,is he the one or not?
….when a woman verbally or even non verbally disses a man in the instinctive behavioral areas such as his sex drive and his drive for honor simultaneously, she can be putting herself at serious risk….
The circumstances between model/actress Jasmine Fiore and the reality show contestant Ryan Jenkins are a prime example of how instinctive drives related to “The Mammalian Way”™ can work against the human condition when it fuels rage. However, in the case of behavior as extreme as murder-suicide, it always has a cognitive (learned behavior) connection as well. But it is also mostly due to a huge lack of understanding about “The Mammalian Way”™. Such is the basis for most of the conflict known as, “The War of the Sexes”.
Other than humans, all male mammals would never murder his female and then kill him self. Rather, he would run off all the other males who are after his female, and in the process he might kill one of them.
That is normal male mammal behavior. The drive to behave that way is wired into each and every human male born. Men can be quite volatile when some other guy tries to move in on a female he sees as “his own”. It’s natural mammalian instinctive behavior to do so. But to kill her in the process of running off the other males, that’s strictly learned behavior, and this volatile behavior is not uncommon between men and women in relationships, when they deal with relationships issues, although it usually does not end in death.
Meanwhile, the psychology of women, especially those who see themselves as “empowered women” tends to negate the fact that men are instinctively wired to behave very different than women when it comes to social behavior in relationships.
Unless you’ve read my book titled, “The Mammalian Way” it is easy to assume that a woman in a relationship can dis a man to the same degree that she might accept a dis and that her behavior is socially acceptable. And perhaps this is so. Believe it or not, like it or not, when a woman verbally or even non verbally disses a man in the instinctive behavioral areas such as his sex drive and his drive for honor simultaneously, she can be putting herself at serious risk. Case in point is the Jasmine Fiore-Ryan Jenkins matter. We’ve heard the psychatrists and other professionals analyze the behavior of the couple and even draw some conclusions.
But what if the professionals are all analyzing such behavior as murder-suicide using the same incomplete paradigm? What if the behavior between Jazmine Fiore & Ryan Jenkins, or, Steve McNair-Sahel Kazemi could have been predicted and/or averted? What if either one in either of the pairs knew how to discern the difference between a lovers quarrel and potential disaster, as well as where & how such behavior emanates? It’s very much about human psychological defense mechanisms (one for women, one for men) designed to protect us from harm, but because of certain circumstances the defense mechanism that helps us to contend with our instinctive behavior somehow goes awry. What then?…
You truly need to read the book “The Mammalian Way”. Do not be deceived. Know how to see the danger OR the love. Be safe AND happier.
Men who overtly act out their mammalian selves how, where, and when they choose has been a human foregone fact of life for centuries. It’s only been over the last forty years where men have been forced to deal with the psychology of women doing essentially the same thing. For those who read my book you can now see that “The Mammalian Way”™ is alive and well in our culture. The fact is, as the world turned more and more unsafe, this elaborate psychological defense mechanism has become more and more prominent in controlling human behavior.
However, it’s only been in recent decades where men have had to face knowing “how and why” “The Mammalian Way”™ operates on each gender. Otherwise, they get screwed and they don’t get “nearly enough sex” in relationships (more pain-less pleasure) and this at least goes against the basic premise of the acclaimed, “Pleasure Principle”.
Even though a small portion of men can see how it affects their love life, intuitively, most men still choose to remain ignorant as to “The Mammalian Way’s” importance, and it shows, for example, in the increase in the number of men who clandestinely ask me for help.
“What do I say to a woman when I approach her”? This is still the number one question I get asked by men who find it ever increasingly difficult to find a mutually agreeable woman willing to have sex with him.
Men allow their mammalian selves to get completely out of control while at the same time they use their cognitive ability to lie to themselves, that they do not need to follow the mammalian rules of social behavior in relationships, especially when they do not even bother to know what the rules are. It’s like a man who goes on a hunt and all he takes with him is a gun and some bullets (analogous to his erection and his big mouth) but no proper clothing or, knowledge of the game he’s hunting, knowledge of the woods, rules related to the hunt, and any recent changes to those rules. How foolish is that? Meanwhile,
The answer to the rhetorical question, what do I say is, “If a man is smart he says nothing at all until she approaches you or gives you a sign that it’s OK to approach her”. Otherwise, a man should not approach a woman. Believe it or not, that is how it’s always been. It’s a part of the Mammalian Way and it always works. The reason men feel that they can use some “line” to “pick up a woman” is because of their own “Perversions of Honor” (See the book titled “The Mammalian Way”.)
So long as a man does not know what “Perversions of Honor” means and how to work his life around it, in this day and age he is not likely to have nearly the sex he could have, and this includes committed relationships between men and women such as marriage. WHY? Because most of the instinctive behavioral elements of “The Mammalian way”™ that have remained dormant or suppressed within women for centuries is now becoming more and more manifest in their daily lives.
Essentially, the changes men now see in women’s empowered behavior is, a woman’s Mammalian Way coming of age. And so long as we live in an imperfectly safe world the gusto of what that means, ala, more sex, more pleasure-less pain, will go to the men and women who know about and how to contend with the attributes related to “The Mammalian Way”™.
In other words, with respect to meeting a woman willing to have sex with them, men screw themselves through ignorance of “The Mammalian Way”™ and as a consequence they also do not have sex with a woman nearly as much as they could. To learn more click the book cover below.
I do not encourage commenst here. If you wish you may email me, gary.jms1@gmail.com I am the only one who reads mail sent there.
….later I posed the question to CEO, “What if I had been the one to sneak up behind you and gave both of your breasts a good squeeze? How shocked would SEC likely have been then”?….
Perhaps the most interesting aspect of Mad Men, the AMC TV series is the fact as we take a trip back in time a few decades to be entertained by how things were between men and women as relationships go, we are also enlightened that even by today’s “standards” what the genders are attracted to in each other really has not changed much at all. There in lies the timelessness of the knowledge about and how to apply “The Mammalian Way”™.
One of my readers asked point blank, “Do I think things have changed between then (The 1960’s where the Mad Men mini series is set) and now”? The reader is a woman in her twenty’s and has been acclimated to a new profile in the work place where political correct language & behavior is the rule and any conversation related to sex can be construed as sexual harassment.
As for the work place, I say that a change in men’s acceptable behavior was long over due. This is chiefly because for centuries or even longer men have been free to behave overtly sexual in front of women and they were able to do so with little or no risk of reprisal for behavior that might be construed by women as unacceptable. This is also a big part of the sociological persona rendered to/by the characters portrayed in “Mad Men” who work for the Sterling-Cooper Ad agency.
Has behavior like that changed? Again, it’s all in who you speak with. For example,
Not long ago I was running my operation out of an office inside a photography studio, one of a group of offices located inside a convention center that over looked an atrium. This typically made it easier to see people as they walked to and from office to office.
Four doors down from me was a small IT company who’s 41 years old female CEO became a dear friend and sex buddy to me who I will call CEO. Her company had 3 employees. Two part time techies and a 23 years old female secretary I will call SEC.
SEC is very shy and quite politically correct in her behavior toward others and expects as much in return as well. CEO is similar to me in that she is more about letting others teach her how to treat them so political correctness is something she uses as a communications tool if and when others need to interact via complete politically correct behavior in order to feel safe and comfortable. This is also to say, politically correct behavior is more cognitive learned behavior and will therefore at times come into direct conflict with the more natural behavior indicative of “The Mammalian Way”™. Meanwhile,
One day I walked into CEO’s front office looking for a cup of coffee. No one was there so I just proceeded to pour a cup. However, CEO who had been there all along hiding behind a door snuck up behind me and got so close she literally placed her breasts directly in the middle of my back. Given that this was indeed unusual office behavior (and something that might occur in the show “Mad Men”) I sensed that my friend and sex buddy wanted something.
So, without spilling a drop of coffee I slowly turned around, looked at CEO in the eyes and asked sheepishly, “What do you want”? She smiled, I smiled, then CEO said, “I need some photos shot to finish a project and I’m nearly out of money for it”. I interrupted her and said, “So you’re bribing me with breasts”. CEO answered, “Yes”! Then I asked as I pointed to her chest, “And I suppose all the rest of you goes along with these beauties”? CEO answered, “Oh my yes”! …As I was about to say “fine” I noticed SEC who had been away from the office to get the mail and who neither CEO nor I saw walk in had also been standing there long enough to have seen and heard everything.
It dramatically changed the mood in that SEC was so visibly shocked by our behavior she set the mail on her desk and went for a walk. This also lead to her leaving early for the day. Since appropriateness and productivity had been affected by our behavior it prompted CEO and I to apologize to SEC the next day.
Frankly, we were a little surprised that SEC seemed as psychologically shocked as she appeared to be by our behavior. Still, even though our behavior was deemed inappropriate for a standard business environment it’s how CEO & I behaved with each other and SEC basically knew that.
SEC eventually seemed to have recovered from what she saw and CEO & I employed a bit more discretion in our behavior during “office hours”. Beyond that nothing came of it. Although I suspect that SEC began to realize that in the real world, even with rules that amounts to social norms or mores’ humans tend to treat each other as individuals, and in that, “The Mammalian Way”™ tends to prevail. In fact, that’s the actual social norm that I find works best for all psyche’s considered. Meanwhile,
A couple days later I posed the question to CEO, “What if I had been the one to sneak up behind you and gave both of your breasts a good squeeze? How shocked would SEC likely have been then”? At that CEO just rolled her eyes and we bust out laughing.
The point is “Mad Men esque” behavior is still alive and well in and out of the work place, and will probably always be that way because it plays to our most basic mammalian instincts. The source to further understand this and related matters is the book titled, “The Mammalian Way”™. It’s a book that everyone past puberty needs to read if you intend to survive in the real world of people, especially if you desire more pleasure-less pain in your everyday relationships in “this” day and age.
You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com I do not encourage comments here. Email gary.jms1@gmail.com OR, http://www.twitter.com/garyjames OR, click the link to buy my book titled, “The Mammalian Way”.
Could the injuries & fatalities that occurred on 8-4-09 at the LAfitness club near Bridgeville, PA have been avoided? Possibly. That is if Sodini or who ever he went to for therapy (If he went to therapy) new about the true issues that surround human instinctive behavior, behavior I call, “The Mammalian Way”.
From what I’ve read in his blog, George Sodini’s behavior is directly related to a lack of knowledge about a most important psychological-sociological discovery I made about human unlearned behavior. For men, they have an extraordinary intense & instinctive need for honor & sex. (And it’s very different for men than women.)
I mention the fact it’s different for men and women because I have found if you want to help humans make a reasonably permanent and positive change in their behavior then such modification begins with an understanding of how each gender responds to their own set of instincts, especially the ones that effect social behavior.
For example, most people who read my book, “The Mammalian Way” are initially surprised to learn that between sex & honor it’s men’s sense of honor drive that typically causes men the most trouble and causes the most pain in their lives. And whether you are a long time licensed therapist (psychiatrist, psychologist, social counselor, etc) or an ordinary civilian who interacts with other people, you need to read my book and learn about the theory I developed over several decades. Why?
Because, so long as we live in an increasingly unsafe world without such knowledge you will have an ever increasing probability and more risk of pain in your life, pain that can be avoided. Such was the case for George Sodini as well as 3 dead and several other injured women. The mammalian way of things, that I am certain is at the root of that tragedy bit them bad.
…. She shook her head no, started to cry and said to me, “No I don’t (Have an interest in him). The one and only time sex happened we were drunk. He came on to me. I was so very, very lonely and he knew it”….
So there I was sitting at the bar, drinking merlot, and minding my own business. Although I am not too regular a customer at this particular bar both female bartenders were friendly to me, they knew my name and the fact I was writing “some sort of book on relationships”.
Then, in walks a woman about thirty something, wearing nice jeans and a sweater. The only bar chair available was beside me and so she sat down. As she settled into the chair I did what I typically do in such situations,…..nothing. I did not speak with her. I did not look at her, not even a glance, because I know the mammalian rule; Women pick men, men do not pick women”.
Meanwhile, she (who for the purpose of this blog I will call “Wine Woman” or “WW”.) looked directly at my glass of red wine, pointed her finger at it and with exertion in her voice she asked, “What kind of wine is that”?
I looked at her and waited until she looked at me in the eye. Then I reached my hand over as an offer to shake hers and said, “My name is Gary, what’s yours”? She hesitated a moment but then reached out her hand, shook mine, and said, “WW”, then she looked back at my glass.
I said, “I’m drinking Merlot, do you want one”? With a hesitant voice she said “sure” but then said, “this is odd. I was in here two days ago and they said they did not sell room temperature wine”.
I smiled and asked, “Did you speak with a male bar tender named Blank”? She nodded yes. Then I laughed and said, “Blank does not know that the owners keep a private stash for me under the bar”.
Just then WW’s glass of merlot arrived. We tinged our glasses, took a sip and then she said, “This is very good. How do you rate your own stash”? I said, “I don’t think I rate. I just asked if they would order special for me and they said yes”.
From there the conversation stayed on wine for a while and eventually we exchanged phone numbers and made a date for a couple days later.
The date was pretty much dinner, wine, and then a choice between a movie (boring) or the bedroom. I am glad WW chose the bedroom because by the end of that date I realized we have two solid things in common; Red wine and Carnal knowledge. Oh yea!
The story does not end here although I digress a moment to verify that when two people meet and they simply allowthe “Mammalian Way” of things to naturallyunfold, most often each human will achieve a positive benefit from the encounter.
However, many times what seems to be all Blue Sky’s and such sometimes is lined with a cloud or two just over the horizon.
WW has a daughter (I will call Grad) who graduated high school in 2009. I found out that Grad has never met her father and when I met her for the first time a few months before graduation she seemed to be a bit estranged from her mother WW. I could tell their was an ever so slight estrangement between them the moment I saw the two of them together.
And,…just like you might be thinking right now, I assumed the strain between mother and daughter was based upon Grad not knowing her father. Well maybe that’s true. However, between the time I met Grad and the time WW and I mutually decided that our relationship would for now consist of, “Please, let me call you when I need to have a little fun”, WW told me that in a “weak moment” she had, “Slept with her daughter’s boyfriend”!
When I heard that my immediate reaction was to look around the room and say, “I’ve always wanted to meet Jerry Springer. This is as good a time as any”. What actually shocked WW was the fact I was not shocked by what she told me. Instead I said, “Now it all adds up…the slight estrangement I detected between you and Grad”. (FYI, Grad is 20, her boyfriend is 28, WW is 36.)
As this small revelation about WW’s life ensued she volunteered to me, “Gary I wish I could take it back. I wish I would have lied to Grad”. Then I chimed in, “No Way! Lying would have made it worse for Grad and for you in the long run. You did the right thing by telling the truth”. (I am positive I said the right thing in this case because in the time I got to know them I could “see” they were each trying to mend their mother-daughter relationship.)
But then I said, “I assume you have no interest in him”? WW shook her head no, started to cry and said, “No I don’t. The one and only time sex happened we were drunk. He came on to me. I was so very, very lonely and he knew it”. [Folks, WW’s statements here outline aclassic case of people caving in to mammalian forces in order fora female human to contend with the “Pendulum Swing of Insecurity” and a male human to contend with “Perversions of Honor”. (For more information on those terms you need to read my book)]
Meanwhile, the final question I posed to WW on that subject was, “What does Grad still see in him”? All that WW said back was, “Dick”. And that’s another blog.
I do not encourage comments here. If you wish you may email me gary.jms1@gmail.com I am the only one who reads mail sent there.
….ideally, if you open the bottle, re cork it, then let it set upright over night, you will typically find….
TASTE: I have tasted many dozens of wines. I am not an expert but I love to drink wine. My favorites are the Merlot and Cabernet blends from France, Argentina, Australia, and the Napa Valley of the USA.
I learned a secret from a French Chef. He told me the key to the complete taste of the “under $10.00 (US) per bottle” red wines is in how long you allow them to breathe before consumption.And not just a few minutes. I saw him open a bottle of Merlot, then immediately re cork it and then set the bottle upright on a shelf!
Seeing him do that caught my attention which led to my lesson because I had never seen any chef let alone a French Chef do such a thing.
He explained that ideally, if you open the bottle, re cork it, then let it set upright over night, you will typically find that the sometimes harsh slightly bitter after taste that can occur when you first open an inexpensive bottle will have faded, and the smooth full body flavor will remain.
I tried the procedure with the Napa Valley Robert Mondavi “Woodbridge” line of Merlot and Cabernet and discovered excellent results in taste.
Lately, I’ve been favoring an Argentina producer, Marcus James. The Merlot and Cabernets respond to the procedure just fine. I also tried the same process with the Marcus James Malbec grape because it was on sale for under $8.00 (US) for 750 ml. That wine responded very well to the procedure. The taste after it was re corked and set over night was soft yet full flavor, just right for nearly any meal.
The difficult part of this is to remember to open the bottle several hours before consumption. However, if you can remember, the difference in taste is well worth it.
….For a Social Theorist, insight is the main reason they are able to accurately theorize about specific subjects that actually matter to everyday people’s lives,….
It is a mistake to believe that a science consists in nothing but conclusively proved propositions, and it is unjust to demand that it should. It is a demand only made by those who feel a craving for authority in some form and a need to replace the religious catechism by something else, even if it be a scientific one. Science….consists mainly of statements which it has developed to varying degrees of probability. The capacity to be content with these approximations to certainty and the ability to carry on constructive work despite the lack of final confirmation are actually a mark of the scientific habit of mind. – Sigmund Freud
For anyone who has the gift of insight and presses on into the universal realm of creativity despite all apprehensions, Freud’s words are words to live by, and I for one admire you for it. – Gary James
As early as 6 years old and Long before I heard the term “Social Theorist” that my peers use to describe me I knew there were many aspects in many areas of life that seemed very incomplete to me. And in several instances as I matured I set out and did something about it.
I produced original theories in the fields of American Law as well as Health & Wellness.
In the field of Health & Wellness I coined the phrase “Nutritional Based Disorders”. Prior to my work in that field there was no such term in use. Since I published a few writings on the subject every major pharmaceutical company and a great many medical as well as alternative institutions now use the phrase routinely in that they recognize the immense influence that “food (and food supplements) as an actual therapy” has on the human condition regarding physical Health & Wellness.
As for American Law, my theory was so successful with regard to the protection of “inalienable rights” I was paid a visit by a couple “G” Men who convinced me to “keep to myself” about the convoluted reasoning I found that permeates the American system of Law to this day.
What people who make their living in the pursuit of those professions found interesting is, I produced hyper accurate, very useful, and original information for each of those professions, and I am not a physician or a lawyer. What I find interesting in their observation is, until they met me they did not see that as it stands now, in order to participate in their respective existing regimes as a licensed professional it becomes necessary to surrender or chiefly ignore their own God given insight.
For a Social Theorist insight is the main reason they are able to accurately theorize about specific subjects that actually matter to everyday people’s lives, and therefore it is vital to the profession of Social Theory that the theorist, remain free as possible from any encumbrances that could stifle their insight. And that is the case with me.
However, in the field of Social Science where I have made great headway into a new theory that reveals two elaborate psychological-sociological defense mechanisms unconsciously constructed by the masses over a long period of time in order to make life more tolerable on an everyday basis, besides insight, I hold a degree in psychology as well as business. My thesis, my right to proceed as a professional in this matter, is the book where I present my efforts titled, “The Mammalian Way” ™.
This effort began while I was still a teenager in college where I read the works of Sigmund Freud, Abraham Maslow, Carl Rodgers, B.F. Skinner, and Jean Piaget. I sensed even then the social sciences needed a more complete paradigm to explain the basic psychology of human behavior, especially instinctive behavior, although at the time I was far too timid to say so. As I took it upon myself to search for an accurate more complete picture of the human condition, after college, I went to work professionally in the grass roots area of production and for more than 30 years I made a living there. This vocation provided the perfect fodder for my psychology-sociology research because as a producer of the arts & entertainment it enabled me to interact with many thousands of the most diverse personalities and behavior patterns in people from all over the world.
Meanwhile, in order to obtain optimum benefit from the information presented in the book you need to apply the information in your own life and glean the benefits directly as much as you can. I have written the book as a source of reference for clinicians as well as a source of self-help for those who prefer that venue.
Since I do not encourage comments here, for further information about the theories and their use be sure to read my blog. http://www.garyjamesblogs.com OR, you may email me, gary.jms1@gmail.com I am the only one who reads that mail. Or try facebook where my user name is garyjames.
