Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

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SHE IS A MEN’S ADVOCATE in the dating world and goes by the name “DT”. She has been a featured guest on many relationship talk shows including mine. DT will soon release a book called “The Formula”.

Click here to visit her web site dating tips for men

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Thursday, May 14th, 2009

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…. Ladies please understand, The brick line is a universal line and will work on any guy, earth wide, between the ages of 12 to 92, whether he’s a buff jock or a pencil necked Geek. It does not matter!….

This repeating segment to my blog will give you the chance to ask me questions that I will provide answers for as well as useful information to help with everyday issues that can arise within most personal or professional relationships. This segment will also give you a chance to vent your emotions or confess your actions if you wish with complete anonymity. Feel free to use me as your sounding board. Especially if there is something stressful on your mind or if the information is juicy enough that you just need to get out.


I recently received a question. The asker, a woman who I will call “Julie”, wishes to remain anonymous. And so it will be. And the question is,

“Why would a guy that shows signs that he likes you suddenly start acting like a jerk”?


This was the entire question. It is a normal one that women often ask me.


Answer: Even though the question is a bit general, my first thought on this is to ask “Julie” if the guy who has shown interest in you has read any dating books? I ask this because one of the things that most dating books teach guys to do is, “Act like a jerk around a woman he’s interested in” because this is the way to win over a woman’s amorous charms.

The fact is every once in awhile, that blind advice by dating authors is correct. I say blind advice because most dating book authors admit they do not really know why in certain situations a guy acting like a jerk will increase a woman’s interest in the him.


I am also quite certain that this is because most personal relationship advisors that includes dating book authors, have never been introduced to the greater understanding of the instinctive behavior that is at the core of why such a ridiculous maneuver as acting like a jerk around a woman that a man is interested in even works once in awhile in the first place.


However, once you do understand the bigger picture (which you can learn from me of course) you will very quickly see that there are far better ways to reach for a woman’s attention.


In the situation with my anonymous reader Julie I do not know if she likes the guy who is acting like a jerk or if his jerkiness has actually raised her interest in him.

If Julie could have given me a few more details I might be able to provide you with even deeper insight. Meanwhile Julie, if you like the guy I have a generic suggestion that you might try.


Approach him with a compliment unrelated to the jerkiness such as, “Excuse me Guy, I’ve been meaning to ask you a question.” Then touch him gently on the arm where the Tri & Bicep connect to the shoulder then ask, “I was wondering, are you carrying bricks under that shirt”?


Now Julie,…. I know what you’re thinking…… “How am I going to ask a man I barely know such a question AND keep a straight face too”? Or something like that, right? …..Julie….please understand, The brick line is a universal line and will work on any guy, earth wide, between the ages of 12 to 92, whether he’s a buff jock or a pencil necked Geek. It does not matter! (LADIES: FYI, in my up coming book, “The Perfect Relationship” I explain why such a line works so well. Most people initially see it as, “feeding his ego”. NOPE! That’s not it. Ego is a mere surface issue with guys,…like a little dirt on your Jimmy Choos! The “brick” line plays into something much, much deeper in a man.)


Meanwhile, you can ignore my suggestion if you like,…. No problemo. However, if you can pull off that question with a straight face and a sincere voice intonation it can facilitate quite a number of things all at once. 1) Guy’s jerkiness will immediately be at least temporarily reduced to near zero. 2) That line will likely begin a conversation between the two of you. Whereby, he speaks directly with you as opposed to speaking with your breasts, for example. 3) It could very well seed the establishing of you as Queen Bee in his love life, so long as that is what you want.


If he turns out to be more of a keeper than a loser, then you can bother to address the jerkiness thing some time later. You can always write me and I will help you.


Also, please keep on the watch for the release of my book, “The Perfect Relationship, Secrets of How to Find, Build, and Keep it”!


Until then you can learn more about the bigger picture of instinctive human behavior in all personal or business relationships by reading this blog. It will give you a “Leg up on the Bunny” of everyday life.


Best to you,


Copyright Gary James ã 2009 all rights reserved.






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Sunday, January 18th, 2009

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….The mother and bride laughed and cried tears of joy when they saw the photos I took. They kept saying, “When did you take this photo”?….

If and when a personal relationship finds it’s way to a marriage proposal more often than not it leads to an unrepeatable, unrehearsed special event called a wedding.

As a producer, by the time I became actively involved in wedding photography I already had some experience in the wedding industry as a freelance DJ. So I basically knew how a good portion of the wedding day was supposed to “go”.

I owned some medium format and 35 m/m camera gear that my girlfriend at the time borrowed in order to learn how to photograph weddings. I found someone to teach her and I went along with her to the classes. That’s essentially how I got involved with weddings as a photographer.

And when my girlfriend moved on in life I was left with great photography gear and some further specialized production knowledge very relevant to the wedding industry.

Meanwhile, one day soon after I received a phone call from a mother of a bride who knew me personally and who’s wedding photographer had cancelled on her daughter’s wedding. The wedding was only 6 weeks away and my time was available for that day.

I met with the bride and her mother and leveled with them, that even though I had some experience in the industry if they hired me to “shoot” their wedding it would be the first time I shot an entire wedding on my own.

The bride and her mom appreciated my candor and decided to take a chance on me and so they hired me.

My approach was this: I combined the bride’s input about her taste and the specific images she needed shot with my own sense of production value then shot the wedding as I saw it. I took standard issue and portrait photos (How to do that is what I learned at wedding photo school) as well as documenting the day as it actually occurred, sometimes called photojournalism.

Here was the outcome of the days efforts: The mother and bride laughed and cried tears of joy when they saw the photos I took. They kept saying, “When did you take this photo”? In short, my clients were extremely happy. What else happened?

- The church lady at the Catholic church said, “You are by far the fastest photographer I ever saw the way you coordinated all the group shots at the alter in 15 minutes”. I remember this because she also asked for a “handful of my business cards”.

Her comment about coordinating the group photos stuck with me and I found out as time went on that most wedding photographers sorely lack basic everyday production skills, skills that I find are reasonably easy to learn.

- At the reception held at a very exclusive private Men’s club, the banquet director also took a few cards and remarked, “I have a list of photographers that I don’t refer much longer than the list I do. I like how you try not to be noticed by the guests”. (When he found out it was my first wedding he nearly did a spit take in his ginger ale.)

- Two couples who were guests at the wedding and engaged to be married also asked for my card.

Thus, a new specialikzed aspect of my production abilities was born. What the people such as the church lady and the banquet director were responding to when they took my card even though they had not yet seen a single photo I took is, the way they saw me approach my responsibility toward the bride’s wedding day that went far beyond merely taking a photo…..

The key to success was in the details I gleaned from the bride about her day along with understanding basic “Production Value” of an unrehearsed, unrepeatable special event. I simply used these elements as my basis to cover the wedding day.

All of this is to say that a wedding photographer needs to possess not only the artistic and technical capacity to create images, but an ability to see how the people of the day act and react to the event as it unfolds. I captured the essence of that first wedding day and every wedding I shot there after.

If you have questions about the wedding industry or elements of your special day feel free to contact me I am the only one who sees that mail.

© Copyright Gary James 2009 all rights reserved.


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