WHY DO MEN GET MORE SCREWED BUT LESS SEX IN RELATIONSHIPS?

Tuesday, August 25th, 2009

You are at www.garyjamesblogs.com

Men who overtly act out their mammalian selves how, where, and when they choose has been a human foregone fact of life for centuries. It’s only been over the last forty years where men have been forced to deal with the psychology of women doing essentially the same thing. For those who read my book you can now see that “The Mammalian Way”™ is alive and well in our culture. The fact is, as the world turned more and more unsafe, this elaborate psychological defense mechanism has become more and more prominent in controlling human behavior.

However, it’s only been in recent decades where men have had to face knowing “how and why” “The Mammalian Way”™ operates on each gender. Otherwise, they get screwed and they don’t get “nearly enough sex” in relationships (more pain-less pleasure) and this at least goes against the basic premise of the acclaimed, “Pleasure Principle”.

Even though a small portion of men can see how it affects their love life, intuitively, most men still choose to remain ignorant as to “The Mammalian Way’s” importance, and it shows, for example, in the increase in the number of men who clandestinely ask me for help.

“What do I say to a woman when I approach her”? This is still the number one question I get asked by men who find it ever increasingly difficult to find a mutually agreeable woman willing to have sex with him.

Men allow their mammalian selves to get completely out of control while at the same time they use their cognitive ability to lie to themselves, that they do not need to follow the mammalian rules of social behavior in relationships, especially when they do not even bother to know what the rules are. It’s like a man who goes on a hunt and all he takes with him is a gun and some bullets (analogous to his erection and his big mouth) but no proper clothing or, knowledge of the game he’s hunting, knowledge of the woods, rules related to the hunt, and any recent changes to those rules. How foolish is that? Meanwhile,

The answer to the rhetorical question, what do I say is, “If a man is smart he says nothing at all until she approaches you or gives you a sign that it’s OK to approach her”. Otherwise, a man should not approach a woman. Believe it or not, that is how it’s always been. It’s a part of the Mammalian Way and it always works. The reason men feel that they can use some “line” to “pick up a woman” is because of their own “Perversions of Honor” (See the book titled “The Mammalian Way”.)

So long as a man does not know what “Perversions of Honor” means and how to work his life around it, in this day and age he is not likely to have nearly the sex he could have, and this includes committed relationships between men and women such as marriage. WHY? Because most of the instinctive behavioral elements of “The Mammalian way”™ that have remained dormant or suppressed within women for centuries is now becoming more and more manifest in their daily lives.

Essentially, the changes men now see in women’s empowered behavior is, a woman’s Mammalian Way coming of age. And so long as we live in an imperfectly safe world the gusto of what that means, ala, more sex, more pleasure-less pain, will go to the men and women who know about and how to contend with the attributes related to “The Mammalian Way”™.

In other words, with respect to meeting a woman willing to have sex with them, men screw themselves through ignorance of “The Mammalian Way”™ and as a consequence they also do not have sex with a woman nearly as much as they could. To learn more click the book cover below.

I do not encourage commenst here. If you wish you may email me, gary.jms1@gmail.com I am the only one who reads mail sent there.

Copyright (c) Gary James 2009 all rights reserved

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NEW THEORIES IN THE SOCIAL SCIENCES MEET WITH SKEPTICISM AND CURIOSITY!

Sunday, May 24th, 2009

You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com

….Learn to read women like a book. It’s never been easier once you know what to look for…. Do you think I’m full of condensed Horse Crap!? Let me tell you, during the process to get my research into readable form and into practice, there were many times that I sure did……

 

Why me? I have been asked that question in one way or another by several people since the day I began to put forth the prospect that I had assembled new and useful psychological information in the form of elaborate & instinctive defense mechanisms made manifest as a result of human experience with current society & cultures earth wide.

 

Nearly anyone you speak with demonstrates a sense that something has changed about the nature of how people interact with each other. That’s not new.

 

It’s the fact that there is a distinct pattern to how humans act and react to each other in an ever increasing unsafe environment that allows for relative predictable behavior patterns that emerge as elaborate defense mechanisms (one for men, one for women) that tend to control behavior regardless of culture, age, social status, wealth, or the likes. This is what I have seen develop over nearly 35 years of research and study, and I’ve assembled my findings into at least one book.

 

Meanwhile, the main variable in my research seems to be the difference in how the gender’s act & react to each other…especially where sex can become a factor.

 

But wait! I am ahead of myself. Like a guide who knows that once you take the journey with me, a journey to the center of yourself perhaps, where much will be revealed to you about Y-O-U as well as others (and especially the opposite sex) it will serve you as a method or tool to recalibrate your own understanding of many everyday social norms that most people now think they already understand. And as long as people continue to assess their everyday social life using an incomplete if not an antiquated paradigm, you can expect an increase in the pain that current day humans often experience as they pass in and out of one relationship (biz or personal) after another.

 

But Wait! What about me? Why does Gary James get to share this more complete everyday social paradigm with the world?

 

In a world that produced Sigmund Freud, Carl Rodgers, B.F. Skinner, Jean Piaget, and yes even Dr. Phil, why amongst these pillars of the social sciences as well as the thousands of learned professionals from psychiatrists to social workers, why did I see the big picture before those who came before me.

 

Couple my rudimentary formal education in psychology and sociology with an aptitude and a voracious appetite to see the bottom line as well as the big picture of things in my life, along with a chance meeting and a couple other life’s choices I made, as an aggregate they seemed to have put me in an unusual if not a unique position where I was able to fetter out the facts related to two new theories in the social sciences that are manifest as elaborate psychological defense mechanisms by which most humans instinctively use to cope with their everyday environment. Actions & events that people take for granted as being isolated or independent situations have simply not been identified as part of an overall instinctive operation to cope.

 

Then just like a CSI detective, I collected and followed the evidence for nearly 30 years and drew my conclusions objectively (despite being a sexually straight male human and stricken with the condition known as, “all thoughts pass through my penis prism first”) I was able to make genuine conclusions that fit all the facts.

 

Accurate as they may be I have assembled these facts and conclusions into theories and how to use them in your everyday life to make any of the relationships you engage in more perfect than they are now, and how to avoid or diminish the pain you often experience while in a relationship, into a book titled, “The Mammalian Way” The book is an easy read and chock full of examples put in terms of sexuality, sexual behavior, and other humorous (anecdotes). You know….the sultry stuff of life. The stuff that’s interesting to read.

 

The book also sheds light on such questions as,

 

“Why do married people really cheat”? And how to avoid this from happening to you.

“Why do good girls like bad boys”? And how to have this knowledge work for you in a relationship.

“Why do men seem to only want one thing”? Learn to discern how men really react to women and what they really want.

“Why are women supposedly so unpredictable?” Learn to read women like a book. It’s never been easier once you know what to look for.

 

Do you think I’m full of condensed Horse Crap!? Let me tell you, during the process to get my research into readable form and into practice, there were many times I sure did.

 

However, as the bigger picture of human behavior unfolded in front of me and I put into practice the conclusions from the facts, it made my life and the lives of many other people happier and it helped to make people’s everyday relationships more perfect.

 

So visit back to my blog often and stay abreast of the new material I share. Also be on the look out for the release of the book titled, “The Mammalian Way”.

 

I do not encourage comments here. If you wish you may email me gary.jms1@gmail.com I am the only one who reads mail sent there. Best to you,

 

 

Copyright (c) Gary James 2009 all rights reserved.

 

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LET’S DRINK WINE: HERE’S A TID BIT ABOUT TASTE

Sunday, April 26th, 2009

you are at www.garyjamesblogs.com

 

….ideally, if you open the bottle, re cork it, then let it set upright over night, you will typically find….

TASTE: I have tasted many dozens of wines. I am not an expert but I love to drink wine. My favorites are the Merlot and Cabernet blends from France, Argentina, Australia, and the Napa Valley of the USA.

 

I learned a secret from a French Chef. He told me the key to the complete taste of the “under $10.00 (US) per bottle” red wines is in how long you allow them to breathe before consumption.And not just a few minutes. I saw him open a bottle of Merlot, then immediately re cork it and then set the bottle upright on a shelf!

 

Seeing him do that caught my attention which led to my lesson because I had never seen any chef let alone a French Chef do such a thing.

 

He explained that ideally, if you open the bottle, re cork it, then let it set upright over night, you will typically find that the sometimes harsh slightly bitter after taste that can occur when you first open an inexpensive bottle will have faded, and the smooth full body flavor will remain.

 

I tried the procedure with the Napa Valley Robert Mondavi “Woodbridge” line of Merlot and Cabernet and discovered excellent results in taste.

 

Lately, I’ve been favoring an Argentina producer, Marcus James. The Merlot and Cabernets respond to the procedure just fine. I also tried the same process with the Marcus James Malbec grape because it was on sale for under $8.00 (US) for 750 ml. That wine responded very well to the procedure. The taste after it was re corked and set over night was soft yet full flavor, just right for nearly any meal.

 

The difficult part of this is to remember to open the bottle several hours before consumption. However, if you can remember, the difference in taste is well worth it.

 

Copyright  ã Gary James 2009 all rights reserved

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PERSONAL EMPOWERMENT: WILL WOMEN EVER TRULY ACHIEVE IT?

Saturday, April 4th, 2009

You are at www.garyjamesblogs.com

….there are a couple of very powerful instinctive forces at work as the root cause for the insecure behavior in women. 1) Men instinctively see women as sex objects first and foremost. 2) Women are instinctively grossly insecure. And when these two instincts collide,….

For decades, from a Social Theorist’s perspective I’ve listened to women lament about their supposed “Lot in Life”. A lot that set off the “Women’s Empowerment Movement” as it were. Meanwhile,

Most recently I saw a small group of women on a morning TV news show in discussion of the question, “why after years of struggle, are women (especially young women) as a group or individuals no closer to achieving the confidence and self esteem” that men seem to possess. Not that they compared their selves to men, but they were talking about how despite years of effort, according to a poll taken, their daughters have little or no self esteem once they get past puberty.

The results of the poll they mentioned did not surprise me at all. However, as the women’s discussion became stymied over the question “what can be done about it” I could not help but smile because I pretty much know why women face the issue of low self esteem.

The fact comes down to one thing: Women’s gross sense of insecurity (the actual root cause of the low self esteem) is an instinctive-physiological fact of being born a human female. Yes, women’s insecurity is as instinctive as knowing when they are hungry or thirsty. [This concept is a part of the theories I write about in my book titled, “In Search of the Perfect Relationship”].

This instinctive insecurity can manifest over a woman’s life time in various forms. The one form that came up in the TV discussion as an example is what I refer to as, “Women’s pecking order” that begins with, “The Alpha Female”.

Whereby, as though it were a fulfillment of their insecurity drive (or even a perverse way to satiate the need) women instinctively and continually compare themselves to Alpha Females a/k/a the 10.

And it’s easy to spot, just look at the front cover of women’s magazines. The Alpha female’s (10) look is conveyed to the readers as the standard. Even though women as a movement currently seem to have a push toward a “down play” of women comparing themselves to super models and others who’s physical look find their way to the cover of magazines, the fact is, all women have the propensity to compare them selves to the illusion of the Alpha Female, an illusion that men fall for nearly all the time. 

The thing I find interesting is, if women were to succeed in convincing magazine editors to dispense with the touched up photos of a beautiful women who does not seem to need touched up for the front cover, in order to induce a woman to purchase the magazine, what indeed would they replace it with?

I have no doubt women can find something other than an Alpha Female to put on a cover (Oprah Winfrey’s magazine “O” for example) but, if all magazine’s were to follow that lead it would leave a void as well as a wide open market for financial success to anyone who was willing to simply follow the bottom line of the way things are (and perhaps have always been). Namely, “Sex sells” and use it to sell magazines. The point I make here is actually mute because the magazines that use beautiful female models on the front cover to sell magazines to WOMEN is prolific to say the least.

For example, a touched up photo of an Alpha female on the cover of a magazine such as “Cosmopolitan” exudes sex appeal, and I doubt you will see Cosmo change that approach any time soon because the Cosmo editors know that selling the illusion in order to sell magazines works…..all the time! The fact that it’s motivated by a woman’s primal instinct of insecurity is of little relevance. 

Bear in mind, the readership of Cosmopolitan et al., is also far more women than men. In other words women’s instinctive insecurity runs deep enough that women literally dress up for other women! The attraction in doing so is a very subtle intimidation of the “other than Alpha Women” to comply with the dress code and over all Look of the Alpha female (the cover girl)

Meanwhile, there are a couple of very powerful instinctive forces at work as the root cause for the insecure behavior in women. 1) Men instinctively see women as sex objects first and foremost. 2) Women are instinctively grossly insecure. And when these two instincts collide, women for example intuitively know these 2 facts all too well and so in order to achieve esteem (by virtue of men looking at them) they “sexify” their Look to not only attract men’s eyes but they also attract women’s eyes in the form of envy & vanity….and it all emanates from instincts.

Also, in addition to the instinctive issue for women to always try to match the physical beauty of a cover girl Look there is a powerful emotional force that reinforces the insecurity drive and that is the fact that physical beauty in and of itself is fleeting which adds to the over all insecurity that women feel about their looks and this also translates into a woman’s innate feeling of low self esteem.

I realize that my perspectives and theories do not always sit well with women’s empowerment as a movement, at least initially. Women often deny the fact that their insecure behavior is instinctive as opposed to learned. Most women I have spoken with who challenge my perspective often site the numbers of women involved as a movement, meant as though if all women fought against the instinctive behavior, that this alone would serve to institute real change. The issue is, when a force is instinctive you can’t fight it with learned behavior. Nature will win out every time. On the other hand when a woman reads my copy and reasons it out is when real change becomes possible. Or so I’ve been told, and it’s also what I’ve observed statistically in women’s behavior. 

Given what I know about human behavior and the theories I’ve written, I predict that so long as women work toward and try to change the behavior of women against their own instincts it will be as valuable to women as is spitting into the wind.

So, will women ever become truly empowered on a personal level? Not so long as they fight against their own instincts.

However, the question that does remain is, “what do women do to improve their sense of self esteem” knowing their behavior insecurity issue is instinctive? There is an answer to that question but that’s another blog.

Copyright © Gary James 2009 all rights reserved

 

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OBAMA: ….WILL HE BECOME THE SUB PRIME PRESIDENT?

Friday, January 16th, 2009

You are at www.garyjamesblogs.com


….if Obama can not jump start the debt machine mighty fast, his positive relationships with our culture will be fraught with problems, and because he is black, he is the Prime target to eventually be referred to as, “The Sub Prime President”…..

Since the election of 2008 the sheer type and intensity of issues that face our world leaders and population has rekindled my interest in searching for the bottom line or perhaps the “big picture” of what’s really going on for the sake of greed.

This time around my research has uncovered the true issue, the ground zero of why the international economy of which America is a big part crashed and burned. Here’s the scoop.

Our current demise actually began in the 1940’s when the bankers got together with a number of real estate people and literally, physically, built a wall that separated the City of Detroit, Michigan into two areas.

One area that was loan worthy to buy or build in (called prime areas) and those that were not loan worthy (called sub prime).

The epitome of what was called “redlining”, this maneuver (which is no longer legal to do) that began in Detroit quickly spread throughout the United States. Whereby, people and property who qualified for prime lending were treated to much better terms than property or people who were in the sub prime category.

Skip ahead….skip ahead…..skip ahead…..some 60 years later the culmination of this type of lending came when the concept was combined with two other concepts.

1) Bundling and selling sub prime mortgages as investments themselves on the open market and chiefly to hedge funds (people with plenty of money). And since it did not take much to rewrite the credit worthiness of the mortgages within the bundles as AAA grade, a great many bundles were sold to foreign investors who accepted the “safeness” of these investments at face value.

2) The variable rate mortgage. ARMs as they are called became the drill that burst the ever expanding “loan/investment bubble”.

With this over all trilogy of financial terror in play is it any wonder that it took only about 6 years to evaporate the whole bloody thing? I have read and listened to a huge pile of crap about mitigating circumstances that helped account for the financial mess we’re in but the above information sums up what really happened.

Meanwhile, Poor Ole President Obama can do nothing about it BECAUSE he is still stuck with an economy that can ONLY grow through debt expansion. In other words, we have to start all over again using the same principles and communication issues that got us into this mess in the first place. Hopefully this time it will be a bit more difficult for the banker’s et al, to engage the greed factor.

I predict that if Obama can not jump start the debt machine mighty fast, his positive relationships with our culture will be fraught with problems, and because he is black, he is the Prime target to eventually be referred to as, “The Sub Prime President”. I hated sharing this with you but that’s the way I genuinely see it. And since I am very rarely ever wrong about such things, I ask, who wants odds?

Stay tuned to this blog. I will eventually share with you what YOU can do in your everyday lives to come out of this financial crap pile “smelling like a rose” as it were.

BTW, in blogs like this I do not list any of my sources because most of them want to remain anonymous.

© Copyright Gary James 2009 all rights reserved.

 

 

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