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What does the late Yale student Annie Le, Raymond Clark, and “The Mammalian Way” have in common? Tons of instinctive behavior that’s what.
A recent comment made by one of my readers about my book titled, “The Mammalian Way (TMW)”™ was, “It’s a ground zero for everything in relationships”. And as word spreads about the merits of applying this knowledge into the everyday lives of an earth wide population I see now that is a great way to sum up “TMW”.
Unfortunately, no one told Yale student Annie Le or her alleged murderer Raymond Clark. Had either of them known even the least of the tenets of “TMW” that tend to control human instinctive behavior as they interact with each other throughout life it is more than possible that Annie Le would still be alive and Raymond Clark would not be headed to trial for murder.
How do I know this? Let’s take Raymond Clark as an example. In my book I maintain that all heterosexual males have a very powerful instinctive need to be honored. This need is not something that can be controlled only dealt with through some sort of satiation of the need. This only becomes an issue because we live in a world that is imperfectly safe to a great degree and this also makes it near impossible for men to receive adequate honor to satiate the drive.
If a man happens to be in an environment not conducive to honor satiation he will automatically and instinctively deploy a psychological defense mechanism I call *“Perversions of Honor”. That is to say, a man will do things that might otherwise be deemed dishonorable in order to receive a form of false honor that will somewhat satiate his otherwise insatiable need to receive honor. And, if he does not get even a “perversion of honor” over a long enough time he can easily become a walking time bomb of pent up frustration.
So what is it that can set off this bomb? Why an untimely “dis” to his honor. And if that untimely dis comes from a woman it is tantamount to a *”Double Dis” and if there is even the slightest animosity between he and she at the time, this can easily send a man into a brief torrent frenzy of extreme aggressive behavior.
*[For a complete understanding of “Perversions of Honor” and “Double Dis” see the book titled, “The Mammalian Way”™]
Had Annie Le knew of these facts or if Raymond had been taught the type of circumstances that could occur that might make him susceptible to such aggressive then she/he could have instituted the simple measures outlined in the book to avoid & diffuse such situations in the first place.
There are many advantages to knowing “The Mammalian Way”. I recommend that everyone who routinely interacts with other people read my book and use the information there as a point of reference to optimize the benefits of every relationship you encounter no matter how insignificant that it may seem.
Meanwhile, I maintain that unless something changes in the way that men are currently being socialized and/or rehabilitated in our culture we can all expect a dramatic increase in outbursts of extreme aggressive behavior in relationships from men. CAVEAT!
I do not encourage comments here. However, you may email me privately at, email@example.com I am the only one who reads that mail.
copyright (C) Gary James 2009 all rights reserved.
You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com
….when a woman verbally or even non verbally disses a man in the instinctive behavioral areas such as his sex drive and his drive for honor simultaneously, she can be putting herself at serious risk….
The circumstances between model/actress Jasmine Fiore and the reality show contestant Ryan Jenkins are a prime example of how instinctive drives related to “The Mammalian Way”™ can work against the human condition when it fuels rage. However, in the case of behavior as extreme as murder-suicide, it always has a cognitive (learned behavior) connection as well. But it is also mostly due to a huge lack of understanding about “The Mammalian Way”™. Such is the basis for most of the conflict known as, “The War of the Sexes”.
Other than humans, all male mammals would never murder his female and then kill him self. Rather, he would run off all the other males who are after his female, and in the process he might kill one of them.
That is normal male mammal behavior. The drive to behave that way is wired into each and every human male born. Men can be quite volatile when some other guy tries to move in on a female he sees as “his own”. It’s natural mammalian instinctive behavior to do so. But to kill her in the process of running off the other males, that’s strictly learned behavior, and this volatile behavior is not uncommon between men and women in relationships, when they deal with relationships issues, although it usually does not end in death.
Meanwhile, the psychology of women, especially those who see themselves as “empowered women” tends to negate the fact that men are instinctively wired to behave very different than women when it comes to social behavior in relationships.
Unless you’ve read my book titled, “The Mammalian Way” it is easy to assume that a woman in a relationship can dis a man to the same degree that she might accept a dis and that her behavior is socially acceptable. And perhaps this is so. Believe it or not, like it or not, when a woman verbally or even non verbally disses a man in the instinctive behavioral areas such as his sex drive and his drive for honor simultaneously, she can be putting herself at serious risk. Case in point is the Jasmine Fiore-Ryan Jenkins matter. We’ve heard the psychatrists and other professionals analyze the behavior of the couple and even draw some conclusions.
But what if the professionals are all analyzing such behavior as murder-suicide using the same incomplete paradigm? What if the behavior between Jazmine Fiore & Ryan Jenkins, or, Steve McNair-Sahel Kazemi could have been predicted and/or averted? What if either one in either of the pairs knew how to discern the difference between a lovers quarrel and potential disaster, as well as where & how such behavior emanates? It’s very much about human psychological defense mechanisms (one for women, one for men) designed to protect us from harm, but because of certain circumstances the defense mechanism that helps us to contend with our instinctive behavior somehow goes awry. What then?…
You truly need to read the book “The Mammalian Way”. Do not be deceived. Know how to see the danger OR the love. Be safe AND happier.
copyright (c) Gary James 2009 all rights reserved
You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com I do not encourage comments here. Email firstname.lastname@example.org OR, http://www.twitter.com/garyjames OR, click the link to buy my book titled, “The Mammalian Way”.
Could the injuries & fatalities that occurred on 8-4-09 at the LAfitness club near Bridgeville, PA have been avoided? Possibly. That is if Sodini or who ever he went to for therapy (If he went to therapy) new about the true issues that surround human instinctive behavior, behavior I call, “The Mammalian Way”.
From what I’ve read in his blog, George Sodini’s behavior is directly related to a lack of knowledge about a most important psychological-sociological discovery I made about human unlearned behavior. For men, they have an extraordinary intense & instinctive need for honor & sex. (And it’s very different for men than women.)
I mention the fact it’s different for men and women because I have found if you want to help humans make a reasonably permanent and positive change in their behavior then such modification begins with an understanding of how each gender responds to their own set of instincts, especially the ones that effect social behavior.
For example, most people who read my book, “The Mammalian Way” are initially surprised to learn that between sex & honor it’s men’s sense of honor drive that typically causes men the most trouble and causes the most pain in their lives. And whether you are a long time licensed therapist (psychiatrist, psychologist, social counselor, etc) or an ordinary civilian who interacts with other people, you need to read my book and learn about the theory I developed over several decades. Why?
Because, so long as we live in an increasingly unsafe world without such knowledge you will have an ever increasing probability and more risk of pain in your life, pain that can be avoided. Such was the case for George Sodini as well as 3 dead and several other injured women. The mammalian way of things, that I am certain is at the root of that tragedy bit them bad.
Copyright (C) Gary James 2009 All rights reserved
STEVE MCNAIR-SAHEL KAZEMI: MURDER-SUICIDE, THE ULTIMATE DOWNSIDE OF NOT UNDERSTANDING “THE MAMMALIAN WAY”Thursday, July 9th, 2009
You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com
From what I’ve read thus far, the Steve McNair-Sahel Kazemi story is a prime example of “The Mammalian Way” instincts gone haywire. The problem is it is very unlikely that either Steve McNair or Sahel Kazemi were even slightly aware that “The Mammalian Way” instincts might be working against them. And now they never will.
If either of them would have had just a general understanding of how the mammalian way instincts operate it is possible they could have resolved their issues instead of how they exploded in their lives.
“The Mammalian Way” instincts are in part elaborate psychological defense mechanisms that can manifest in someone’s life to protect them in a situation where their environment is perceived to be imperfectly safe.
Men and women instinctively react to these various environments quite differently and unless you are aware of how to read it (which is a relatively simple thing to do) it can cause an implosion of the psychological mechanism and that can lead to extreme volatile behavior.
In their case, evidently, a man’s honor was dissed or even double dissed (See “The Mammalian Way” for an explanation of double dis) and he became defensive. This reaction created a sense of insecurity in the woman that likely reached both poles of her insecurity pendulum swing. (See “The Mammalian Way” for an understanding of “The Pendulum swing of Insecurity”.)
This can often become a closed trap, or cycle of behavior but instead of the two defense mechanisms working in concert (i.e., for the benefit of the relationship) it can work against a relationship by perpetually escalating the negative aspects of human mammalian behavior. I have seen this phenomena occur in relationships many times.
And this can lead to violence such as the apparent murder-suicide of the pair.
My book “The Mammalian Way” is an interesting read. The information conveyed is greatly needed by professionals and everyday folk alike, who engage in any type of relationship. It can help perfect’ relationships you forge and they can help you survive “day to day” living in an imperfectly safe world.
My prayers go out to the Mcnair and Kazemi families.
I do not encourage comments here. If you have input or questions you can email me, email@example.com I am the only one who reads that mail.
Copyright © Gary James 2009 all rights reserved.
You are at, www.garyjamesblogs.com
There is a way for Mortgage Brokers and Loan Officers to legally help their clients save their homes, businesses, and credit worthiness.
We now live in an era of time that can be arguably called, “Hard Times Nouveau”. As with most situations that occur in the stream of life where the society of the times collectively agrees that “Times Have Changed” we have some new notions about how to look at business and personal finance that are developing and may forever alter the way Capitalist’s use credit and generally do business.
Currently, one major part of this process is to find ways to help the millions of people who find themselves financially “upside down” (meaning they owe much more money for something(s) than those things are worth) to get back into “the mix” so to speak.
Within the Real Estate industry the term Loan Modification is used most often to refer to the need someone has to lower their monthly mortgage payment and so they look to the lender for help in re-writing the terms of their mortgage contract. The chief motivation for this is because they find that the house they call home to be worth less money than they paid for it and thus the house is “upside down”.
Given the current economic climate, Loan Modification tends to be a more suitable solution to restore financial stability than choices such as bankruptcy or a refinance because loan modification is typically the least costly way to adjust the payment as well as other aspects of the terms including interest rate and length of the contract.
One big question that arises with this process is, who does a homeowner use to handle negotiation of the new terms of the contract with the lender? The short answer here is the homeowner needs to negotiate the new terms their self or they need to use an attorney.
This is truly the main legal ways to handle the negotiation of a loan modification. However, quite often someone who is looking for a mortgage loan (modified or not) will seek the help of a mortgage broker or loan officer.
Meanwhile, there is some genuine happy news for those mortgage brokers and loan officers who wish to help their clients complete a Loan Modification and keep it legal. You can join our group, help your clients achieve a loan modification, save your client money, have them speak directly with an attorney, and earn a commission for yourself. For more information click the link.
Then contact me with questions at, firstname.lastname@example.org
Be Well….Expect Success……Gary James
When I first told her about the psychological theories I discovered and how they relate to other than personal relationships difficulties, she volunteered information to the effect of, “There is something missing and it’s not merely to deal with an insecure husband.” She said, “It’s something inside, like a gnawing”.
I have many women friends, acquaintances, and lovers who “want it all” and then go out and get it! Yet all of these beautiful empowered women admit, “There’s still something missing”. And each of them I have talked with about the something missing also adds, “And I’m not alone”.
One friend (and former lover) in particular who has plenty of what I call zeal for life, met a man, got married, and raised a beautiful child. She started a business that grew and became successful enough that she now owns a home and a vacation-get away condo, two late model vehicles, private school for her child, and enough free time that she can call her own in order to escape so as to not go crazy when her husband who constantly quizzes her about where she spends her free time as if to say, “honey, I love you but I do not trust you and I’m intimidated by your success”. Got the picture?
When I first told her about the psychological theories I discovered and how they relate to other than personal relationships difficulties, she volunteered information to the effect of, “There is something missing and it’s not merely to deal with an insecure husband.” She said, “It’s something inside, like a gnawing”. YEP!
My friend is the classic example of empowered women syndrome. And it’s nothing more than one of the theories I uncovered that manifests as a deep psychological defense mechanism against a woman’s polarized sense of insecurity.
I say polarized because there are two basic needs for security that women continually contend with and the two are in constant conflict. Each need is instinctive and they tend to operate as a mutually exclusive function. And it is this function that lay at the heart of the “inner gnawing”.
Meanwhile, in following my research I now conclude that if one polarized need is being satisfied to the point where the psychological “gnawing” subsides it is typically at the expense of suppressing or otherwise ignoring the other need, where the “gnawing” persists.
A prime example of how one aspect of this something missing scenario has been exploited can be seen in the advertising industry. Quite often advertisers will aim ads, products, and services at the evident conflict between women’s rational and irrational selves. I am sure this approach works well to move merchandise but it is psychological surface water compared to the deep seated ocean of need a woman has for security that keeps her searching for the “something missing” that often seems to be just out of reach.
Is there a more affirmative answer? Yes. Read “Love Du Jour! Learn How to Date, Mate, and Communicate with the Opposite Sex in the Era of Empowered Women.”
Copyright © Gary James 2008 all rights reserved
You are at www.garyjamesblogs.com
ANOTHER ARTICLE IN A SERIES CALLED, ‘THINKING OUT LOUD”.
Obama: The Dream Leader.
As a social theorist I have encountered a great many people who have misunderstandings and communication difficulties with the opposite sex, especially since we now live in the era of EMPOWERED WOMEN. Given the confusion men have about women and women have about men, is it any wonder why personal relationships problems abound, especially where sex can be involved?
MEN AND SEX: WHY THEY DON’T GET IT
…“as ridiculous as it seems most men will sit there wanting to have sex so bad they can taste it but then let their own phobias ruin any potential they might have to engage in sensational sex with a woman obviously as luscious as you Platinum“….
Embodied in these blogs are the applied theories and the unwritten rules or axioms of behavior in personal relationships as written in the book titled, “Love Du Jour” How to Communicate with the Opposite Sex in the Era of Empowered Women.
I was standing in the foyer of a restaurant talking business on my cell phone when I caught sight of her. The first thing that truly captured my attention was a thick head of pure platinum blonde hair as it floated past my eyes.
She didn’t even glance at me as she made her way into the restaurant. She kept the straight ahead “dead pan” stare in the manner most women are taught to do from right out of the womb when they see a man who even glimpses in their direction. Even though I did not catch a frontal view of her I was intrigued.
Between the classic strut that all models learn to walk and her slight S curved figure I could tell this woman had poise which very naturally drew in my eye on to her shape. I even said to myself, “this babe got poise” as she walked past the restaurant entrance and into the bar. From that early perspective “Platinum” (which is the name I will use to call her) gave me the impression her age was somewhere under 40.
I quickly finished my phone call and a few seconds later I entered the bar to behold that Platinum sat herself into a chair at the corner of the U shaped bar exactly right angle to me. Meanwhile, an elder man who had followed me through the entrance door to the bar joined Platinum on her other side. This allowed a direct open communication area between Platinum and I, should we decide to speak.
To this point even though I was intrigued by Platinum I rather ignored her and went on with a prior conversation I was having with a friend seated next to me on my left. The topic we had been discussing was “movies”, more specifically, “screenplays”. The thing that caught Platinum’s attention (she told me later) was when I said, “There are several key elements to a successful screenplay. The subtext & sub plots are nearly as important as the main plot.”
A minute or so after that comment the bar tender sat a drink in front of me and said, “The drink is on this woman” as she nodded her head in the direction of Platinum. Then I said to myself, “My, my my!” I smiled at the drink because I knew it was Platinum’s cue to me that it was OK for me to approach her.
I thanked her for the drink, asked her name, and then said, “Platinum, I want you to know I could not help but notice you when you walked past me in the foyer. And I thought I could scent”, as I spoke I put my nose slightly in the air and leaned into her just a bit and continued, “what is that,” I sniffed the air again, “Is that Fendi, the scent of romance you’re wearing”?
At that, Platinum looked straight into my eyes and said, “Yes.” Then she smiled and said, “You’re not gay or anything are you”? My reaction was immediate. I busted out laughing and said, “My dear, I already love your sense of humor”. Then I raised my glass toward hers, we tipped them together and then I said, “For the record? Not gay. The girl stuff that I know I learned mostly from the women who I worked with over the years”.
Platinum changed the subject and introduced me to the man she was with. He was her brother in law who I had seen in the bar before. As it turned out Platinum was caught between places. One lease was up where she had been living and her condo in SC was not yet ready. Since Platinum’s sister did not want her staying with them they had found Platinum a temporary apartment about two miles from the bar and in the direction of my apartment.
It became a bit obvious to me there was some sort of issue between Platinum and her sister so I did not ask about it. But then I volunteered to the brother in law who I could tell was in a hurry that I would be happy to see to it that Platinum got home safely. Since he knew me as a regular at the bar he had no problem with it. When he asked Platinum if she agreed she just said, “terrific”. At that, the brother in law downed the rest of his drink and was out the door. And now that I knew Platinum was unattached I began to wonder if she was game for sex.
As our conversation continued I could tell Platinum was probably older than 40. In fact, I finally realized she was probably older than me. She had a few wrinkles perhaps but I could tell this woman put many resources into her youthful look. I could also tell that she was very used to getting her way with men.
However, despite her poise this woman was massively insecure. In the few hours we spent together she asked me the proverbial female question, “Am I Pretty?” no less than 30 times. And I managed to find about as many ways to answer, “You’re not just pretty. You’re fascinating”.
While we were still at the bar she asked, “How come no one was looking at me until you did, and only after I bought you a drink?” I said, “Simple, two reasons. One, most men in this bar would be intimidated by the way you carry yourself. Your look is powerful. And Two, because of a little thing called male ego they would likely be afraid of what the other guys would think of their manhood if they approached a woman with some age on her.”
I continued, “And as stupid as it sounds most men will sit there wanting to have sex so bad they can taste it but then let their own phobias ruin any potential they might have to engage in sensational sex with someone obviously as luscious as you, by pretending to ignore the very thing they want!”
It took Platinum a few seconds to process my words. While she did, I sat with a smile and politely stared straight at her. I was expecting her to ask why I waited for her to buy me a drink before I spoke with her and I had an answer for that, but finally Platinum looked me straight in the eyes and in a slow low tone, she said, “Gary, I think you’re right. Why don’t weeee get out of here?”
Long story short, we made passionate love for a couple hours complete with noise. I nibbled on every fleshy part that protruded from Platinum’s body. The result was she orgasmed twice before I entered her with my penis. Then she achieved a third orgasm via intercourse. When we parted later that evening, we both sported great big smiles. BUT, that’s not the end of the story.
However, it is the end of part 1 of 3 click on “contact us”, give me your name and email and I will add you to my email list to notify you of updates to this blog. I never sell or share your information and if you want off the list just ask.
© Copyright Gary James 2008 all rights reserved
ALL INFORMATION ON THIS SITE IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES AND FOR MATURE READERS ONLY. PARENTAL DESCRETION IS ADVISED.
…here is where I share applications, Axioms, and examples of how the psychological theories I uncovered effect your life, today, right now….
Welcome to Gary James Blogs, the place where men and women learn to: Better communicate with each other, make better sense of their lives, become empowered, and use atypical thinking to survive each day with an optimum of happiness.
As a social theorist one of the subjects I have encountered where there are a great many people who still have misunderstandings and communication difficulties is with the opposite sex, especially since we now live in the era of EMPOWERED WOMEN. Given the confusion men have about women and women have about men, is it any wonder why personal relationships problems abound, especially where intercourse can be involved?
As for men, empowered women have become an increasing issue in that women with power tend to intimidate men who never bother to learn a thing about women. If men only knew how easy it is to meet, interact, date, mate, love, romance, have sex, or just befriend an empowered woman,…well, that’s part of what this site is for, men learn how to treat women because they will learn something of women’s true nature as well as something of their own. It's the basis to build any type of personal relationship, let alone one with minimal relationships problems.
However, I have no intension to change anything about men, just enhance what is already in us to begin with. Such as, men view women as sex objects first. That’s something that is as certain as the sun rising in the east. Is that a good thing? Gentlemen, if you stick around and read my stuff you are going to discover that's a great thing! But only if you know the "unwritten" rules of behavior for men and how to read women's sign. The actual main issue men have is, most men already think they know how to read a woman's behavior or how to act and react to that behavior in order to gain her favor.
So what is the barometer men can use to tell if they're already adept at reading women's sign? Answer? Married or single, you'll know when you really do not have to ask for what you want.
As for women, most of the time women know predominately two things about men. A) Men only want one thing and B) If a woman can handle a five year old child she can usually handle a man. FYI, both of these observations are accurate. The reasons why this is so is what you might find of interest.
Women are also keenly interested in the way men think and feel, especially feel, given that feel is the "F" word for most men who tend to close off their true feelings. If women only knew how easy it is to get a man to open up,….well, that’s part of what this site is about. Women learn more about how men think and the key to their feelings. I also have no intension to change anything about women. Women do that just fine on their own.
By the way, did I mention that I’ve written the first draft of a book titled, “The Perfect Relationship, Secrets to Find, Build, and Keep it.”
I am not ready to release it just yet. A couple internet Gurus I became friends with suggested I blog and write about the book for awhile before the books release. This also gives me the time to edit, and so I've taken their advice.
At any rate, here is where I share applications, Axioms, and examples of how the psychological theories effect your life, today, right now, in terms of personal relationships problems and communication difficulities with the opposite sex in the era of empowered women.
So bookmark this blog and "click" the "contact us" link to opt onto my email mailing list. I will keep you updated when I add a blog or one of the juicy anecdotes I live through that reveal the language of Love and "The Perfect Relationship". Bye for now…
Copyright © Gary James 2008 all rights reserved