Archive for October, 2008

MEN NEED RESPECT PERIOD!…. A WOMAN’S POINT OF VIEW

Sunday, October 19th, 2008

Dear Gary,

Let me say just a few words about men and our relationships as a female…

I have been married for many years through the good, bad and ugly…I have cried, pouted, manipulated, guilted, threatened to leave…I have been to therapy with and without my husband and have spent endless hours trying to figure out what wasn’t working…

So I tried an experiment that you shared with me, it was something I was thinking about doing anyway. I simply decided to give my husband RESPECT even though I didn’t think he deserved it. I respected his position as the husband. I did not undermine his authority in public or with the children. I treated him with respect in every area… If I had a difference of opinion and views, in a respectful way I discussed it with him in the privacy of our home with just the two of us….That means, no yelling screaming, throwing items, walking away…you get the point. What do you think happened?

It took only a few days and I got what I wanted! I was loved and cherished… It was a win/ win situation! And our intimacy got better as well.

Was this easy at first? Especially when things were not going well?? Absolutely not! But I bit my tongue and pressed forward and am happy to say it is working well!

Ladies, try to honor your man even though you might not think he deserves it. You have little to lose and you just may get what you want.

Thanks Gary, from a firm believer.

Willow

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MEN & SEX: Why They Don’t Get It…..The Story of Platinum (3 of 3 parts) The analysis

Saturday, October 18th, 2008

As a social theorist I have encountered a great many people who have misunderstandings and communication difficulties with the opposite sex, especially since we now live in the era of EMPOWERED WOMEN. Given the confusion men have about women and women have about men, is it any wonder why personal relationships problems abound, especially where sex can be involved?

 

The analysis for Platinum’s story as it relates to the various axioms that apply to the psychological theories I discovered in personal relationships, and their potential problems go as follows:

Remember: Platinum bought the drink for me after she heard me talk about being a screen writer. Almost anything done professionally in the performing arts is a form of psychological power because it’s prestigious in that it’s a profession that few people successfully engage in. The line about screenwriting is what indirectly got me on Platinum’s pick list because at that point I was also basically ignoring her just like all the other guys in the bar.

The two axioms that apply here are, “Women pick Men…Men Don’t Pick Women” and “Women respond to Power, especially in the form of command presence”.

Platinum also kept asking me, “Am I Pretty”? because women tend to be massively insecure. The axiom is: In women, there exists a correlation whereby the prettier or higher up the Alpha Female scale a woman is the more insecure she is, and this emanates from women’s need for safety….As it relates to Platinum, she is an aging Alpha female and fighting it every inch of the way. This makes for one gigantic ball of insecurity in a woman.

Platinum decided to have sex with me after I gave her the information on why men did not pay attention to her the way that they likely would have paid attention to her 20 years prior. I showed her a type of truthfulness that goes with someone who has rank, a command presence…confident, unafraid, but not arrogant.

[The fine line I draw here is the difference between getting a woman to think about a man passionately, to have sex, which is the way men rate most encounters with the opposite sex. This as opposed to just being a nice guy as a friend, who she tolerates but would never sleep with, because arrogance tends to hit women in the brain, where truthfulness, the likes I shared with Platinum at the bar, tends to hit women in the heart.]

And this all goes to power, which goes to what women instinctively respond to because of their need for safety. Platinum’s call to have sex with me was when she said, “I think you’re right. Why don’t weee get out of here”? This statement coupled with her body language, leaning in toward me and touching me told me that sex with her was probable. What I did not include in the anecdote was when I opened the door to help Platinum into the car she kissed me before she got in.

Still, she could have stopped me any time she wanted but I knew that she wouldn’t because as I kissed her back I could smell the heat of her passion on her breath. From that point on the primal drives in each of us kicked into a higher gear and I asserted standard male mammalian control over the female. Platinum willingly, physiologically, submitted to my lead. I also knew when to assert control and I knew what to do once we got to the bed. But that’s another Blog.

As for Joe, he was a perfect representation of how men act around other men when women are around. Men are typically PHOBIC, in that anything they do in any way that might make them seem as a lesser man in the eyes of other men is unacceptable behavior and they will turn away from most experiences accordingly. And this unfortunately includes being seen out with an older woman.

Similarly, if Platinum would have kiddingly asked any of the other men at the bar “Are You Gay?” the way she did to me they would have likely taken it as a Dis to their honor. What men who act like this do not realize is that type of reaction to such a question in such a social setting is indeed a dishonor but it is a dishonor self emposed and thus a phobia.

Men’s phobias are very real & very powerful and usually work against a man’s psychological well being, as was the case with Joe. He perceived me as an Alpha male when he saw me out with the woman 20 years younger than me. That event plus his knowledge that I write about personal relationships problems and communication difficulities in general from a man’s perspective, in particular, the fact that we usually only want one thing, gave me a posture with Joe to indirectly council him about the woman in his building.

Yet, I knew the way to get to Joe, so he would at least listen was when I used the term dishonorable in describing the other men’s behavior toward Platinum. From that point on to the end of our conversation he became a “wide eyed” listener. The fact that Joe took my council and was able to reproduce similar results by letting go of his phobia when he engaged in a conversation with the woman in his building who was older then he, and that conversation eventually lead to sex validates the axiom and the theory.

As it stands as of this blog, I do not know the status of the relationship between Joe and the woman. I have only seen Platinum once since our evening together. She moved to SC and we do keep in touch via email.

Meanwhile, there’s much more interesting information to come on personal relationships problems and communication differences between the sexes in the era of empowered women. So stay connected.

Click on “contact us”, give me your name and email and I will add you to my email list to notify you of updates to this blog. I never sell or share your information and if you want off the list just ask.

© Copyright Gary James 2008 all rights reserved

 

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MEN & SEX: Why They Don’t Get It…..The Story of Platinum (2 of 3 parts)

Saturday, October 18th, 2008

As a social theorist I have encountered a great many people who have misunderstandings and communication difficulties with the opposite sex, especially since we now live in the era of EMPOWERED WOMEN. Given the confusion men have about women and women have about men, is it any wonder why personal relationships problems abound, especially where sex can be involved?

…while those guys were having sex with their sock I was privileged to have been drenched in Platinum’s passion, poured out all over me like honey”!…

A few days after my wonderful encounter with Platinum I was once again in the bar and sitting with the same friend (I will call him Joe) who sat on my left side the night I hooked up with Platinum. As our typical conversation progressed, Joe, who knew I was writing a book about communicating with the opposite sex, was curious about “how it went with Platinum”?

When he asked that question, I said, “Joe, the only thing I can say is, it went well”. Then he asked, “She seemed older, was she”? I smiled and said, “Yea, I guess she was at that”. I could tell by his hesitation and his body language that Joe wanted to say or ask something else of a sensitive nature but before he did I continued,

“I’ll bet you’re curious about why I would go out with a woman older than myself when you already seen me out with a woman 20 years younger than me. Right”? Joe said, “exactly”. Then I said, “I have a knack for picking up on the vibs of women who are seriously pent up with untapped passion that needs to be tapped”. “And that need is pretty much an ageless need, especially in women Joe.”

Then I asked Joe, “Couldn’t you see the poise and sensuality that just oozed out of her”? Joe said, “Yea, I suppose I could”. Then I said, “But I’ll bet you were at least a little concerned about what all your other buddies would think of you if you went out with a woman older than you, much more, a woman with a few wrinkles, right?”

Joe said, “yea….you’re right”. I said, “And if I was not here Platinum would likely have been ignored by the men. Or maybe they would have made hurtful remarks about how her efforts to hold onto her youth is something foolish.” Joe nodded in agreement. I continued,

“Do you understand that this type of behavior in men is phobic and dishonorable”? Joe was now looking at me with a face of astonishment as I continued my rant. “All it serves to do is keep a man from reaching any where near his full potential as a heterosexual lover, this also means men simply don’t get laid well, nearly as often as they could. Yet, ironically, sex with women is pretty much all they’re after.”

Then with a full arm out stretched I pointed and waved my finger around the bar and continued, “The other night while those guys were having sex with their sock I was privileged to have been drenched in Platinum’s passion, poured out all over me like honey”! “And it was good Joe…Very very Good!”

Then Joe laughed and said to me, “Man, I can see why you’re writing a book, and now that I think about it,….you’re right.” Then Joe shifted gears. He said, “Gary, now that I really think about it there’s a woman in my building that keeps trying to get my attention but she’s older so I was not paying attention.” I said, “next time you see her, strike up a conversation, then invite her over for coffee”. “Then let nature take it’s course”.

A few days later Joe walked over to me at the bar and said, ”Hey Gary, just want ya ta know I took care of that little thing we were talking about”. As he said that he formed his right hand into a fist and moved his forearm like a piston.

So what do you think? Did I get through to Joe about personal relationships problems? Or did I just get him laid one night? BUT, that’s not the end of the story. The next part is the best part. Look for The Story of Platinum…(Part 3 of 3) Meanwhile,

Click on “contact us”, give me your name and email and I will add you to my email list to notify you of updates to this blog. I never sell or share your information and if you want off the list just ask.

© Copyright Gary James 2008 all rights reserved

 

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MEN & SEX: Why They Don’t Get It…..The Story of Platinum (1 of 3 parts)

Sunday, October 12th, 2008

As a social theorist I have encountered a great many people who have misunderstandings and communication difficulties with the opposite sex, especially since we now live in the era of EMPOWERED WOMEN. Given the confusion men have about women and women have about men, is it any wonder why personal relationships problems abound, especially where sex can be involved?

MEN AND SEX: WHY THEY DON’T GET IT

“as ridiculous as it seems most men will sit there wanting to have sex so bad they can taste it but then let their own phobias ruin any potential they might have to engage in sensational sex with a woman obviously as luscious as you Platinum“….

Embodied in these blogs are the applied theories and the unwritten rules or axioms of behavior in personal relationships as written in the book titled, “Love Du Jour” How to Communicate with the Opposite Sex in the Era of Empowered Women.

PLATINUM

I was standing in the foyer of a restaurant talking business on my cell phone when I caught sight of her. The first thing that truly captured my attention was a thick head of pure platinum blonde hair as it floated past my eyes.

She didn’t even glance at me as she made her way into the restaurant. She kept the straight ahead “dead pan” stare in the manner most women are taught to do from right out of the womb when they see a man who even glimpses in their direction. Even though I did not catch a frontal view of her I was intrigued.

Between the classic strut that all models learn to walk and her slight S curved figure I could tell this woman had poise which very naturally drew in my eye on to her shape. I even said to myself, “this babe got poise” as she walked past the restaurant entrance and into the bar. From that early perspective “Platinum” (which is the name I will use to call her) gave me the impression her age was somewhere under 40.

I quickly finished my phone call and a few seconds later I entered the bar to behold that Platinum sat herself into a chair at the corner of the U shaped bar exactly right angle to me. Meanwhile, an elder man who had followed me through the entrance door to the bar joined Platinum on her other side. This allowed a direct open communication area between Platinum and I, should we decide to speak.

To this point even though I was intrigued by Platinum I rather ignored her and went on with a prior conversation I was having with a friend seated next to me on my left. The topic we had been discussing was “movies”, more specifically, “screenplays”. The thing that caught Platinum’s attention (she told me later) was when I said, “There are several key elements to a successful screenplay. The subtext & sub plots are nearly as important as the main plot.”

A minute or so after that comment the bar tender sat a drink in front of me and said, “The drink is on this woman” as she nodded her head in the direction of Platinum. Then I said to myself, “My, my my!” I smiled at the drink because I knew it was Platinum’s cue to me that it was OK for me to approach her.

I thanked her for the drink, asked her name, and then said, “Platinum, I want you to know I could not help but notice you when you walked past me in the foyer. And I thought I could scent”, as I spoke I put my nose slightly in the air and leaned into her just a bit and continued, “what is that,” I sniffed the air again, “Is that Fendi, the scent of romance you’re wearing”?

 

At that, Platinum looked straight into my eyes and said, “Yes.” Then she smiled and said, “You’re not gay or anything are you”? My reaction was immediate. I busted out laughing and said, “My dear, I already love your sense of humor”. Then I raised my glass toward hers, we tipped them together and then I said, “For the record? Not gay. The girl stuff that I know I learned mostly from the women who I worked with over the years”.

Platinum changed the subject and introduced me to the man she was with. He was her brother in law who I had seen in the bar before. As it turned out Platinum was caught between places. One lease was up where she had been living and her condo in SC was not yet ready. Since Platinum’s sister did not want her staying with them they had found Platinum a temporary apartment about two miles from the bar and in the direction of my apartment.

It became a bit obvious to me there was some sort of issue between Platinum and her sister so I did not ask about it. But then I volunteered to the brother in law who I could tell was in a hurry that I would be happy to see to it that Platinum got home safely. Since he knew me as a regular at the bar he had no problem with it. When he asked Platinum if she agreed she just said, “terrific”. At that, the brother in law downed the rest of his drink and was out the door. And now that I knew Platinum was unattached I began to wonder if she was game for sex.

As our conversation continued I could tell Platinum was probably older than 40. In fact, I finally realized she was probably older than me. She had a few wrinkles perhaps but I could tell this woman put many resources into her youthful look. I could also tell that she was very used to getting her way with men.

However, despite her poise this woman was massively insecure. In the few hours we spent together she asked me the proverbial female question, “Am I Pretty?” no less than 30 times. And I managed to find about as many ways to answer, “You’re not just pretty. You’re fascinating”.

While we were still at the bar she asked, “How come no one was looking at me until you did, and only after I bought you a drink?” I said, “Simple, two reasons. One, most men in this bar would be intimidated by the way you carry yourself. Your look is powerful. And Two, because of a little thing called male ego they would likely be afraid of what the other guys would think of their manhood if they approached a woman with some age on her.”

I continued, “And as stupid as it sounds most men will sit there wanting to have sex so bad they can taste it but then let their own phobias ruin any potential they might have to engage in sensational sex with someone obviously as luscious as you, by pretending to ignore the very thing they want!”

It took Platinum a few seconds to process my words. While she did, I sat with a smile and politely stared straight at her. I was expecting her to ask why I waited for her to buy me a drink before I spoke with her and I had an answer for that, but finally Platinum looked me straight in the eyes and in a slow low tone, she said, “Gary, I think you’re right. Why don’t weeee get out of here?”

Long story short, we made passionate love for a couple hours complete with noise. I nibbled on every fleshy part that protruded from Platinum’s body. The result was she orgasmed twice before I entered her with my penis. Then she achieved a third orgasm via intercourse. When we parted later that evening, we both sported great big smiles. BUT, that’s not the end of the story.

However, it is the end of part 1 of 3 click on “contact us”, give me your name and email and I will add you to my email list to notify you of updates to this blog. I never sell or share your information and if you want off the list just ask.

© Copyright Gary James 2008 all rights reserved

 

 

 

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Gary James Blogs…….Help with Relationships & Other Survival Issues

Sunday, October 5th, 2008

 

ALL INFORMATION ON THIS SITE IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES AND FOR MATURE READERS ONLY. PARENTAL DESCRETION IS ADVISED.

 

…here is where I share applications, Axioms, and examples of how the psychological theories I uncovered effect your life, today, right now….

Welcome to Gary James Blogs, the place where men and women learn to: Better communicate with each other, make better sense of their lives, become empowered, and use atypical thinking to survive each day with an optimum of happiness.

As a social theorist one of the subjects I have encountered where there are a great many people who still have misunderstandings and communication difficulties is with the opposite sex, especially since we now live in the era of EMPOWERED WOMEN. Given the confusion men have about women and women have about men, is it any wonder why personal relationships problems abound, especially where intercourse can be involved?

As for men, empowered women have become an increasing issue in that women with power tend to intimidate men who never bother to learn a thing about women. If men only knew how easy it is to meet, interact, date, mate, love, romance, have sex, or just befriend an empowered woman,…well, that’s part of what this site is for, men learn how to treat women because they will learn something of women’s true nature as well as something of their own. It's the basis to build any type of personal relationship, let alone one with minimal relationships problems.

However, I have no intension to change anything about men, just enhance what is already in us to begin with. Such as, men view women as sex objects first. That’s something that is as certain as the sun rising in the east. Is that a good thing? Gentlemen, if you stick around and read my stuff you are going to discover that's a great thing! But only if you know the "unwritten" rules of behavior for men and how to read women's sign. The actual main issue men have is, most men already think they know how to read a woman's behavior or how to act and react to that behavior in order to gain her favor.

So what is the barometer men can use to tell if they're already adept at reading women's sign? Answer? Married or single, you'll know when you really do not have to ask for what you want.

As for women, most of the time women know predominately two things about men. A) Men only want one thing and B) If a woman can handle a five year old child she can usually handle a man. FYI, both of these observations are accurate. The reasons why this is so is what you might find of interest.

Women are also keenly interested in the way men think and feel, especially feel, given that feel is the "F" word for most men who tend to close off their true feelings. If women only knew how easy it is to get a man to open up,….well, that’s part of what this site is about. Women learn more about how men think and the key to their feelings. I also have no intension to change anything about women. Women do that just fine on their own.

By the way, did I mention that I’ve written the first draft of a book titled, “The Perfect Relationship, Secrets to Find, Build, and Keep it.”

I am not ready to release it just yet. A couple internet Gurus I became friends with suggested I blog and write about the book for awhile before the books release. This also gives me the time to edit, and so I've taken their advice.

At any rate, here is where I share applications, Axioms, and examples of how the psychological theories effect your life, today, right now, in terms of personal relationships problems and communication difficulities with the opposite sex in the era of empowered women.

So bookmark this blog and "click" the "contact us" link to opt onto my email mailing list. I will keep you updated when I add a blog or one of the juicy anecdotes I live through that reveal the language of Love and "The Perfect Relationship". Bye for now…

Copyright © Gary James 2008 all rights reserved

 

 

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